something about nothing

First Wave

2012-02-12T10:47:00.000Z

I waved to about 50 complete strangers today, they started it as they waved first which meant I sort of had to wave back not that I didn’t want to as everyone seems to wave to everyone in Ireland regardless of whether they actually know you or not. This doesn’t happen in England, I don’t even wave to my mates at home let alone those awkward scenarios when you’re not sure if you actually know someone well enough to wave as you’ve only spoken to them once and that was years ago and now you only see them driving past on occasions and they might not recognise or remember you then they’ll think who the hell is that weirdo waving at me in that shit yellow van. I’d just rather avoid it all shut my eyes, not wave and pretend it never happened. So why the feck have I started waving to complete strangers now?
With all this waving going down it sort of makes you feel a bit happier without you even realising it, almost like these complete waving strangers are happy to see me so therefore you’re happy to see them making everyone involved pretty dam happy, that’s got to be good for general happiness and day to day waving morale .
My favourite wave has to be the finger point which is generally done by older men and van drivers where most woman tend to use their whole hand, I personally like to go for the little finger wave as it’s not too full on yet still friendly enough if you give them a little smile at the same time.
This is the first wave on my new Gulfstream tow board and it defiantly made me feel happy.

A surf blog

2012-02-05T17:57:00.000Z

Enough of this blogging about old naked men drying their todgers with hand dryers, getting punched in the face for no apparent reason other than I’m only slightly ginger, having a shit van or stupid dogs who try and commit suicide every time you drive past them. These aren’t the sort of things that people want to hear about and I’m told it scares off potential sponsors too. It’s supposed to be all about surfing and how great it always is, and although January was basically shit and it was hard to keep up enthusiasm we did have one good day and I’ve just realised that I haven’t even mentioned it on here which is sort of bizarre as this is a surfing blog.
OK so it wasn’t epic and I didn’t get any absolute bombs but here’s a frame grab from one to give you an idea.

Hand dryer dick swing.

2012-01-29T09:31:00.001Z

I’ve been scarred for life, the other day I saw an old naked man drying himself under a hand dryer in the changing rooms at the gym, the strangest thing about this was it wasn’t like he’d forgotten his towel as he was holding it in one hand and pushing the button with the other whilst swinging himself under the hand dryer. I’m not one to judge as I am known to do some pretty odd things myself but this is exceptional public behaviour by anyone’s standards, in the privacy of your own home maybe yes do whatever feels good but in the changing rooms of the local gym, come on mate why can’t you just use your towel like everyone else in here rather than getting all up close and personal with the hand dryer and swinging it all over the place. As I left he tried talking to me, luckily he’d finally put some pants on after his hand dryer acrobatics but I just panicked, agreed with whatever he said and made for a quick exit trying not to get eye contact.
Obviously I couldn’t put a photo of a naked old man on my blog no matter how much I really wanted too although I could have taken a photo of the hand dryer mentioned but in the end just decided to post a picture of my glorious self in my new Tiki Zepha wetsuit, which is keeping me warm enough though not to behave like the old man in the gym which is good news for everyone involved.

New name for matey boy.

2012-01-22T17:49:00.000Z

I’ve renamed my van ‘Twat’ I used to call it matey boy but that was when we got on and I felt it was taking me places, now it’s just become unreliable and just breaks down when you really need him to push on through almost like its slowly giving up the game, costing me a feck load of money in the process. The last time it broke down I had this sudden urge, instead getting it towed to the nearest garage to get it fixed, I’d get it towed to the nearest lake, dowse it in petrol, set fire to the fecker then push its burning corpse in and watch it slowly sink then just forget about it and pretend I never even owned a van.
I didn’t though as what would that achieve, bit like cutting off your nose to spite your face or whatever that saying is and although I have renamed my van Twat deep down I still have a lot of love for it. So I took it to the garage where they performed life saving surgery on its vital bits and he now lives to tell another tale, well for the time being.....

Painful.......

2012-01-16T17:20:00.000Z

Painful isn’t it. Bit like last month when a complete stranger walked up to me outside the Boots on Falmouth high street and for no apparent reason apart from I’m slightly ginger and dashingly handsome punched me so hard in the face he knocked me clean out. I spent the night in Trelisk Hospital, Turo which is where my sister was born and ended up with 6 stitches in the back of my head and 5 in my face, ruining my plans for a future modelling career.
Surprisingly the Police weren’t that interested when I informed them about my scenario as I wasn’t parked on double yellow lines, speeding or involved in any other minor motoring offence and I left Cornwall l with a feck off headache, concussion and slightly confused about human nature and why me being knocked out by a fist to the face wasn’t classed as an assault by the local constabulary, but why would it.
Anyway none of that has anything to do with the amount of pain I’ve endured over the weekend which started early Saturday morning with the above photo and a road trip planned for great waves. 24 hours later, minus my van which is in a garage somewhere in Galway plus what I can only describe as a wacky race around Ireland we arrived at our surf destination. It was pumping and I got another kicking but no actual body harm was inflicted. I won’t bother reporting it to the police either there wouldn’t be any point.

Car park envy

2012-01-11T21:04:00.000Z

I generally don’t use a towel, obviously I do when I get out the shower at home but it’s one of those things I don’t take or use when I go surfing. They usually end up damp and wet, then left in the van and stinking of mould with a slight tinge of wetsuit piss. I’d rather just put my clothes straight on and miss out the whole towel situation. It goes like this: wetsuit off down to waist, t shirt and jacket straight on, pull jacket over balls whilst stepping out of wetsuit then pants and jeans on at same time as quick as possible while still trying to cover my balls with my jacket. Simples, why would anyone need a towel?
Well this year my life and old ways have been turned upside down thanks to Dry robe and although I may look like a bit of a plumb and I’ve turned into one of those smug I’m enjoying getting changed in the car park even though its fecking cold and everyone else is hating life sort of guys, I have to say I’m quite pleased with myself. General folk are jealous I can tell.
Photo.http://davidolsthoorn.net/

Suicide dog

2012-01-09T21:35:00.000Z

Don’t be fooled by its innocent I’m lonely come pat me eyes, this dog just narrowly escaped death when it tried to commit suicide in front of my van. In fact it narrowly escapes death quite a few times a day as it recklessly tries to throw itself under the wheels of unsuspecting, innocent passing cars. I don’t know its name but I do know I’d be in all sorts of emotional bother if one day it succeeded, maybe it knows that and that’s his plan. Well it isn’t going to work Mr Suicide Dog, not with me I’m far too careful and on the ball with my driving matey.
I’m back in Ireland for a few months and settling in nicely to our new home. It’s nice, cosy yet spacious and even has a garage but driving to and from it can be lethal as there seems to be quite a few dogs roaming free who try and throw themselves in front of your car and this little bugger is the worst for it.
Oh the surf’s been fun too.........

Pissed up bloke outside the pub #2

2011-12-21T22:12:00.000Z

Folly of Youth from wavedreamer on Vimeo.

Remember the blog about my mate the pissed up bloke outside the pub, if not you can check it out HERE. Well we would have made a good team the other night as I went off the richter scale and down the other side, it happens from time to time and I just don’t understand why. Now check out his new edit from Wave dreamer above of young Stu from Woolacombe, its pretty dam cool and i'm looking forward to working with him when he comes out to ireland at some point over the winter.
Oh and just in case you’re interested the Night with Andrew Cotton went well. We raised £900 for Charity, well The Museum of British Surfing but like I’ve said before every charity needs help not just the ones on the telly that make it hard for you to live with yourself.

A night with Andrew Cotton

2011-12-09T21:42:00.000Z

A night with Andrew Cotton, it’s like a dream come true for some and a nightmare for others but at only £5 it’s a bargain either way and worth the money just to watch me make an idiot out of myself when I freeze up and start speaking in tongues when I have to do my live Q & A, which happens whenever I have to speak in front of more than 2 people or anyone I don’t know, and did I mention it’s for charity? Well I have now and that’s always a crowd pleaser or so I’m told although the main focus on the night is all about me, promoting me and making sure everyone realises how fecking brilliant I am but like I say I am doing it for charity too.
So the Idea is to raise a bit of money for the Museum of British Surfing, ok so it’s not saving starving Africans but it’s a good cause all the same and every charity needs help not just the ones on the telly that make it hard for you to live with yourself.
Read the poster and come along, I’m looking forward to it so should you.

North Canyon Tow in Trials

2011-12-01T11:34:00.000Z

It’s amazing what happens when you win a potty and a massive oversized comedy cheque, take this photo here for example. This is me signing autographs for my Portuguese fans after coming 2^nd in the North Canyon tow in trials in Nazare, normally no one gives a shit about 2^nd place but here I am signing autographs. Didn’t see 1^st place signing anything for that matter but you know, like I’ve said before I’m a pretty big deal down in Portugal right now, even more so since I’ve had a shave and smartened up my appearance up a little.
So now I’ve finally won an oversized cheque it’s my new favourite thing to carry around with me where ever I go, it’s a definite conversation starter as everyone really wants to know why you’re carrying around a massive oversized cheque, what you’ve done to deserve it, how much you’ve won and how freaking brilliant you must be. I was swinging mine around all the way home from Lisbon to Devon and even took it down Tesco’s at the weekend and tried to pay for a 4 pack and some pork scratching with it, unfortunately Tesco’s don’t except oversized comedy cheques as they won’t fit in the tills or that’s what they told me.
The potty’s going to come in pretty handy too, my girlfriends stoked.

£70 to not go to work

2011-11-17T20:59:00.001Z

I missed 2 appointments with the Vicar the last month due to surf but 3^rd time lucky and I sat through the meeting which was a general gist of I’m going to be charged a whole heap of money to get married and also have to pay an organist 70 quid whether I want him to play or not, which I don’t so to cut to the chase I’m paying some bloke to NOT turn up and make a load of noise on his organ at my wedding, oh and not to forget the deposit. Not that I could as she mentioned it about 30 times like it was most important thing, what was she actually implying by that. Anyway never mind the freaking deposit wish I could get paid not to turn up to work, that sounds like the best job ever.
We had a little break from the swell but now I’m about to move house and it looks like we’re in for a run of all runs of surf, Portugal, Ireland, Portugal, Ireland. Just can’t stop looking at the charts and planning where to go and what to do about this moving house scenario. I missed the last time we moved house due to an unfortunate Analog team trip to Indo for a month which I organised, it was perfect for me but a nightmare for my Wife to be and I’m not quite sure how to approach this one. ’Just popping out to the shops darling’, ‘see you later’ ‘oh and I’ll send a postcard’. X
Oh but she’ll love my tan when I get back, well maybe!

Worlds Deadliest Catch

2011-11-12T21:47:00.000Z

The SEVEN SKIRTS of NAZARE from wavedreamer on Vimeo.

You might recognise me off the telly, I looked like a Wurzel or one of them fisherman from the World’s Deadliest Catch you know the one that’s crossed eyed and has a speech impediment and very possibly makes love to some of the fish he catches when no one’s watching, I don’t know that I’m just speculating as it’s got to be lonely on those boats and sometimes scary enough to make you think you might not make it back alive. I know what I’d do. I don’t want to keep banging on about this place Nazare as I’m sure it’s all boring you but check out my little clip of a few waves from last year, the old dears wear seven skirts at once in this place as some sort of fishing tradition about counting set waves on their skirts and signalling to their husbands to return to shore, might have those facts wrong so don’t quote me on that. Imagine how long it must take them to get dressed in the morning. Hope you like the clip.

History made

2011-11-08T17:33:00.000Z

I can tell you one thing about this photo that not many other people could, just a few minutes before this wave was surfed Garrett was doing an aqua poo, in fact as he was laying cable I could see the set approaching but as he said at the time, he wouldn’t be rushed which is fair enough as the whole morning was pretty magical so why rush it, breath it in and feel the energy. So I’ve established this isn’t me in the photo its Garrett McNamara although it almost could have been but the simple fact is its not, I am slightly disappointed it’s not me but I did however help him get this wave as I was driving the jet that towed him in and also picked him up which sometimes can be as good of a feeling than actually surfing the wave but then again sometimes not. It is however a freaking big wave and I’m just super stoked to of had the opportunity of being out there on this morning, thanks to everyone involved in The North Canyon project and the town of Nazare and congratulations Garrett for an epic ride.

Change of reasons

2011-11-04T20:42:00.000Z

Change of Reasons from wavedreamer on Vimeo.

I love this blogging shit and it has been said I am quite good at it at times, apart from that incident when I wrote about the grown men pissing about racing their little dingys which upset a few people. Well mainly them and I think there has been a couple other minor scenarios but you can’t please everyone all the time and like I said some people just take things too seriously and I was only saying what I saw.
So I’ve been given the opportunity to write another blog for the guys at Eyeball, it’s going to be completely different to this one, as in I won’t be as loose and I’ll try to be slightly more professional and write about my surfing experiences rather than random dribble that comes into my head which at times should never be written down let alone published on the internet. This is a clip by Wavedreamer of a few waves I surfed in Ireland towards the end of the season, to see what sensible things I wrote about it check out my blog on Eyeballhq.com . Hope you like it.

£5.50 Hot sandwich combo meal

2011-11-02T14:11:00.000Z

I learnt from my last trip to Nazare, never sit in the middle on those sit anywhere flights because last time all I wanted was the hot sandwich combo meal for £5.50 and although I could see the air hostesses coming from either end they took over 2 hours to get to me and by the time I got my hot sandwich combo meal I might as well of waited cause I was practically already there, then to top it off I was pretty much last off the plane and had to wait ages standing around at passport control. I could of sat anywhere on that freaking plane, why did I choose the middle? So this time I sat right at the front, I got served first with the food trolley, was first off the plane and through passport control within minutes, getting experienced in this travel stuff.
Not sure why I even came home really, well apart from seeing my girls. I knew this swell was going to be a big one down there and when I got conformation and told to bring any extra flotation I had on my return I did begin to worry that It had all got a bit out of control and wasn’t 100% sure what to expect but just knew I had to be there.
On swells like these I do this thing where I imagine the worst possible scenarios, waves so big I don’t want to surf, nightmare ski situations and the heaviest wipe outs and then when I get there its always smaller, safer and fun than I planned out in my brain, simple mind games and it works every time. The surf pumped for 3 straight days and was still smoking when I left, Nazare truly is an amazing wave but don’t let any photos you see fool you, it’s not to be taken lightly.

Photo:http://brunoaleixophoto.com/

Over and out.

2011-10-22T17:33:00.000+01:00

I don’t even like surfing anymore; I am getting on now. Might give up, sell all my boards and get a full time plumbing job in Barnstaple, you know 6 days a week shuffling round on my knees from 8 to 5, under sinks, behind toilets and under floorboards. Save some cash, buy a house and settle down. I am engaged for feck sake and have to think about my future and reasonability’s.
Only joking, had you for a second though didn’t I. Bet my Dad almost had a smile on his face then, Although like he says if I had a brain in my head that’s what I would be doing but the reality is there’s not a chance. I’m loving life at the minute; just take this last week in Nazare. Got to surf the gnarliest beach break in Europe ranging from 5 to 15ft, got barrelled, hung out with people who all have the same passion and enthusiasm about waves as me which was pretty epic, then went to the premiere of the North Canyon Show with Garrett McNamara at the cinema in Lisbon to check myself out on the big screen; yeah I’m sort of a big deal in Portugal right now. I’M NOT. So to celebrate my new found Portuguese fame I partied all night, drank 40 Super Bock, trashed my apartment and threw my TV out the window. I DIDN’T. That’s got to be a good week by anyone’s standard. Can’t wait to come back for the next big swell but for now I hear there are some toilets that need fixing in Barnstaple, better look out the knee pads.

Back to earth with a bang

2011-10-20T08:41:00.000+01:00

After a solid driving marathon from Scotland to London to drop my co pilots off, being stuck in a traffic jam on the M4 for 2 hours, getting lost in Swindon trying to follow a ridiculous diversion, getting to Cardiff to swap vehicles only to find out my shit yellow van won’t start, waiting for the AA then downing enough Redbull to stimulate my brain until I reached North Devon I somehow found it quite hard to sleep when I got home late on Sunday so I booked a ticket to Portugal leaving the next day to catch up with my friends at Nazare. To be honest I’d missed the first day of the swell which was by far the biggest but the weeks forecast wasn’t looking to shabby so I thought what the hell, the crew here are always so friendly and after the first couple of waves it was already worth it. Ok so it’s not huge but not so small either and I can promise you this beachie packs a punch.
The shot is how not to deal with the shore break, I was trying to avoid the whole being stuck inside beach scenario which I’d gone through about 6 times already this session it’s a nightmare but instead I pretty much launched myself 20ft high landing face first onto what felt like concrete, knocking the wind out of myself not being able to breathe then having to go get my board from the beach anyway. You live and learn and next time I’ll man up and just pull in, its way easier.

Need some space

2011-10-19T10:57:00.000+01:00

I freaking hate surfing in crowds and Croyde has to be the worst place for it. A small beach with a few peaks, add about 4 or 5 surf schools some Londoners and half the population of North Devon who has a surfboard and a heartbeat and you have your average low tide session. So I was stoked to be away last week, Ok so the waves weren’t as epic or maybe as good as Croyde but there certainly wasn’t anybody about and I pretty much had any wave I wanted. Took this shot of a couple of the boys doing some portraits just as the sun was setting after one of the better days of surfing, isn’t it just beautiful.

inappropriate word HERE

2011-10-09T20:08:00.000+01:00

Footpaths, peelers and caves from wavedreamer on Vimeo.

Agh involuntary groaning noises, I'm having a shocker at the moment with this freaking blog. First there was that suck job scenario that wasn't deemed appropriate and now my personal description and choice of words on the HAPPYLAND blog i posted a week ago has ruffled a few feathers and made some guy called IRBmad think I've got a stick up my arse. I haven't. I bet that's not even his real name anyway, he's probably called Clive or Barry. What's wrong with Clive or Barry IRBmad there lovely names. I'm going to have to change my approach to this blog stuff then and just do product reviews and write lovely things about how great everything is, where to buy them and how brilliant we all are, that or just censor it. I'm in the Hebrides at the moment, put inappropriate word HERE followed by a controversial sentence HERE, its cold windy and the surf isn’t that great either.... Shit I'm being negative again and moaning, sorry all humans living in the Hebrides please don’t take it personally.
Check out this little short filmed by Mikey from Wavedreamer it won some sort of competition or something like that in London or somewhere. Mikeys the most amazing human in world and Wavedreamers the best company ever blah blah blah..... Enough already but it is a nice little vid.

What an amazing Indian summer.........

2011-10-05T17:51:00.000+01:00

I’m sick of all this Indian summer shit, a few days of sunshine and the whole of the UK goes nuts, add a run of about 4 days of slightly above average surf and you’d think that Devon isn’t too bad a place to live. With all this excitement its almost compulsory that you have to tell this to every person you meet, not just for pointless and time wasting conversation but also to confirm and reassure yourself that living in the UK just really isn’t that bad. ‘Can’t believe how great the surfs been, oh and this Indian summer we’re getting too.’
I made the most the little run of waves and the UK’s Indian summer by surfing heaps and sunbathing naked in the dunes at Saunton sands, I also embarked on a epic journey, fully clothed of course as we began this little project that’s going to be called ‘Here but were’. The guys at Wavedreamer are working day and night and will hopefully soon have a little clip to post up to enlighten you all on our voyage.

HAPPYLAND

2011-10-03T09:48:00.000+01:00

HAPPYLAND a place where you wear nothing but a smile on your face, money means nothing and the burgers and chips are free. It’s not it’s a tacky amusements in Bournemouth on the sea front where I was this weekend at the European IRB Championships where I was doing a bit of safety cover. I’m new to all this IRB racing scene which is part of the whole Surf Life Saving sport so I was calling it RIB racing for the first 24 hours until I realised I was just embarrassing myself and confirming I was completely out the loop.
So what would I say about IRB racing then, well like all surf life savers they love walking around in there dick togs and have to wear something at all times that either says LIFEGUARD, RESCUE, IRB or RNLI on it which is far enough. As for the racing part, well pretty much grown men and the occasional woman jump in their boats really fast, hoon across flat water, throw a young girl or the occasional boy into their boat really fast, which is classed as the rescue then hoon back. Its carnage and looks freaking dangerous to me but these guys take it dam serious. As long as there having fun that’s the main thing really.

Hot dogs for tea Terry

2011-09-26T20:57:00.000+01:00

I just want to get one thing straight and apologise, no one is sucking anyone off male or female. Bumped into my mate Richard from wavedreamer today, you know the nice guy who’s aiming to make me more professional and attractive to sponsors and he very kindly warned me ‘Cotty my friend just be careful as I don’t want to be the one to say I told you so, but if you insist on writing about men sucking you off on your blog you could lose sponsorship or even possible sponsorship in the future.’ He has a point so I do apologise its I just like to write things down that come straight into my head and not censor things to much as it all gets a bit boring and predictable.
Did you know the majority for prisoners who try to escape prison do so when there nearing the end of their sentence, pretty odd hey but I kind of get where there coming from, I’m due to finish work this week and although I’m not comparing it to a prison sentence. Some days I’m sure would be very similar. I did try and escape early but due to a few misfortunes there was no way out and had to see it to the bitter end. But there’s light at the end of this tunnel called life as winters here and I’m pretty much free to do what I want, within reason of course and until I run out of money and have to get another job again or even worse do some plumbing.
Surfed Croydes excuse for a reef tonight, surprisingly fun. My pretend friend Josh took the photo.

A serious Question

2011-09-18T21:53:00.000+01:00

Is it cheating if I got sucked off by a man? Is what I asked my girlfriend ‘No matter what you got sucked off by I’d finish with you’ ‘but I would have a little chuckle to myself if it was a man’ was her reply, not that I want to get sucked off by a man or anything It was just in one of those questions that I’ve asked a lot of people the past week, as you do.
Been killing it on the contest scene lately so much so I think I missed my calling in life, did the Redbull break5 and went absolutely crazy. Unfortunately it wasn’t in the sea it was on the dance floor where I lunged and did press ups until I couldn’t move and had to be carried home, it happens from time to time as I just get far too excited and have more energy than humanly possible for any normal man in his thirties, inevitably I lost my heats so learning from my mistakes which I always try to do I took a very different game plan to the Eyeball inter clubs held at the Woolacombe wave at the weekend. Obviously this wasn’t your normal surfing contest for a start it’s not even a real wave but none the less it’s freaking hard to do so avoiding any sort of booze, lunging or press ups I helped team Putsborough take a win over Woolacombe and Croyde to bring back the first bit of silver wear to the most expensive place to park your car for a surf in the world. Go Putts A Team yeeew.
Photo: Rob Tibbles

new dog next door

2011-08-21T20:31:00.001+01:00

I’ve sort of lost my way with this blog thing, it was supposed to be all about how good at surfing I am, how much coverage I get and to let every man and his dog that could read and use the internet know. Just been sorting some of this year’s coverage out which oddly enough I haven’t posted any of it up on here. Not sure why I just suppose it’s all a bit boring really, found this shot by Gary McCall which was run on a surfing internet site and also in print in an international surf mag. ‘Want to support these guys sooo badly but its fat and your shoulder hoping’ was one comment and ‘I think they were asking for publicity. The presence of 2 photographers gives that away’ was another on the article published on the surfing site, both have a fair point.
Remember that time when I lived in Ireland and the dog next door just wouldn’t stop fecking barking at me, well there’s a similar situation going on where I live now. There was a couple living next door and at first I could always hear them arguing but now the woman’s disappeared and has been replaced by a massive fecking dog that just doesn’t bark when It see’s you, it constantly barks no matter fecking what. I wonder where the woman’s gone; can you just trade humans in for dogs now at pet shops? Or maybe she left and he just wanted a companion who didn’t slam doors? Not sure but I just hate that constant barking noise.

Photo: http://www.potatobread.co.uk/

Organised fun.

2011-08-11T22:23:00.000+01:00

I hate organised fun, I know hates a strong word and I’m massively in the minority here as everyone else I know seems to love it but I just can’t stand the feeling that I should have to, I want to be having fun when I want to be having fun and feel like fun, not when someone suggests I should be having fun by organising something weeks even months in advance and telling me it’s now fun time. What if at the time of organising I feel like fun but when the day finally comes round all I want to do is sit at home with a cup of tea, feet up reading Dear Deidre from the back of The Sun. This is the problem I have with this organised fun malarkey.
Went to London the other day and saw this sign, I loved it and was desperate to go in there and get my barnette cut and have some fun but unfortunately didn’t have time. Had to catch a train see and besides there wasn’t a chance I was going to miss it with all the carnage going on up there although it was a close call, thinking about the randomness of having a beer whilst getting my hair cut. They don’t do that in Devon I tell ye. Back to the organised fun, I got engaged on Sunday and there’s going to be a whole heap of organised fun coming up, the thing is I can’t wait as me and Katie always have fun no matter how organised it is and that’s why I want to marry her and I couldn’t be happier.

Team Devon

2011-08-04T16:23:00.000+01:00

It was the Atlantic Water sports Games the other week and sharing responsibility’s with Tundish I helped choose, register and mentor the team, you know give up my spare time for free to benefit the community and help the young Devon surfing stars of the future and all the shit. Check them out, well not all of them as a few of them couldn’t be arsed to turn up for the first team meeting and photo which is fair enough but most of them did, fine bunch of young humans which I chose solely on looks just in case the surf was flat and they ended up doing a beauty contest instead. Unfortunately the surf was well surfable and although team Devon won on looks and hotness we came 3^rd in the surfing and 2^nd overall which was slightly confusing as we kicked some as in the surfing and I’d thought we’d won but I don’t make the rules or understand them for that matter.

bloody nice bloke

2011-07-17T19:25:00.001+01:00

I know I’ve said it before but I’m not just dashingly handsome and multi talented, plumber, lifeguard, pro surfer with a bit of modelling thrown in the mixer I’m also a bloody nice bloke, have I ever mentioned my ex girlfriend dumped me because she thought I was a loser?! Croyde Surf Club do a grom session every Monday night and tomorrow myself and Dr Baker are going to take it and the lovely people at Analog have sorted some treats to spread the love, they’re like me bloody nice too. Not 100% what the plan is yet which is a little worrying, not brilliant with kids and I get nervous speaking to more than one person at a time let alone 30 groms but that’s why I got Dr Baker involved he can do airs and shit so the groms will be putty in his hands or so I’m hoping just hope he doesn’t try and dish out any medical advice.

A bit of bush

2011-07-11T21:48:00.001+01:00

ANDREW COTTON PROFILE from wavedreamer on Vimeo.
Went and did some tow-ats with Dr Baker today, he may be an aerial specialist but I gave him a run for his money. When I was getting the ski out the water this guy passing asked ‘is your name Andrew’, I thought fair enough I’m sort of a big deal you know maybe he’s seen me in the mags or in the paper and maybe wants a autograph or photo but I Cooley said ‘yeah mate’ quietly waiting for a response he then said ‘I pulled you out a bush a few years back’ ‘I was driving through Croyde and saw some random legs sticking out a bush’ ‘I stopped and helped you out then you demanded I take you to instow for a free party’ I obviously have no recognition of this and was slightly miffed ‘really’ I asked but he assured me it happened so I thanked him then asked if he wanted me to sign anything.
Cheers mate, yep thanks for saving me from bush glad I made an impression. Mikey and Rich from wavedreamer have been working on my profile; they aim to make me professional so I suppose I won’t be saved from any bushes in the next few months, well maybe.

Cracking

2011-07-04T12:27:00.000+01:00

I wonder if this guys a plumber?

The Swiss ball swing

2011-06-28T23:07:00.000+01:00

I rescued this lad in the sea the other day, he was with 2 other mates but was the only unfortunate one to get caught in the rip and swept out to sea. As I got to him he was pretty relieved as panic had set in and he was starting to see the fear, I got him on the rescue board then started paddling him back to shore. When we got to about knee depth water I got off the board and stood up asking him if he was OK, kind of expecting a ‘thanks’ or a ‘you saved my life’ response but to my surprise I didn’t get either. He just stood up and modally waded through the shallows not talking until he got to his 2 mates who were now waiting for him on the beach, he took off his leash and threw his body board at them shouting ‘thanks for nothing’ there was then a few words shouted back and forth with myself sort of stood there in amazement untill he went and sat by himself half way up the beach. It’s funny what emotions a bit of fear can bring out.
Like most things I generally like training in my pants, it gives you a sense of freedom you don’t get when training fully clothed. I call this one the ‘Swiss ball swing’ where I stand on the ball and swing weights around my head while trying not to fall off, it’s good for the core apparently.

Photo: Jason Feast

The disruptive spirit of a dark goat.

2011-06-16T18:38:00.001+01:00

The disruptive spirit of a dark goat (Cotty surfing Nias) from wavedreamer on Vimeo.

I was in a case of a mistaken identity at the weekend which meant I got to get an extra portion of pork, 'oh this lad needs looking after so make sure you give him an extra portion' said the lovelly lady behind the BBQ, I just smiled and wondered what the hell I'd ever done to warrent an extra pork portion or what on earth she thought I was going to do in the near future to deserve it. It wasn't till the pork disher outter questioned my wortheryness and the lady saying 'he's paddling around Lundy island next week' the penny dropped. Do I just go with it or own up? I knew who'd she had mistaken me for as there's only one loon I know who'd even want to do such a thing and although he's obviously way more buffer and a supierer athlete than I am I'm sure I'm far better looking. Obviously there's a moral issue here, I wasn't going to take the credit for something I wasn't doing or had any plans to ever do, that's not the sort person I am but the pork looked so good so I waited till the extra piece had been placed on my plate then picking up the plate I piped up and came clean. 'Hope not because that's something I didn't know anything about, I think you're thinking of Nick Thorn' 'but thanks for the extra portion though'.
Richard at Wavedreamer has just put together this little clip of a couple waves I caught when I was in Nias, there's no pork involved but there was a disruptive spirit of a dark goat.

Oh and good luck to Nick at the weekend, check out his site and donate, its all for charity.

Crumpets for breakfast

2011-06-10T19:01:00.000+01:00

I ate 6 crumpets for breakfast this morning, that's definitely not a balanced diet. Bit like the time I went on a sausage bender in Ireland and consumed about 80 bangers in a week, all things to excess I just can't help myself.

If you follow me on Twitter you'll know from my random tweets and surf reports that the surf's been 'shit' a lot recently but I have made myself go in, I have to or I get the strange guilty feeling which makes me strip naked and whip myself with a old leather belt until I break down and cry. Also did this floatation tank thingy which was a definite highlight for me, I'm no hippy and won't get all spiritual about this sort of shit but I love being wet and as I've said before I used to have that habit of sleeping in the bath but this is way more safer. You just can't help but float and as I drifted off in my salty water filled cocoon I can only describe a strange feeling of weightlessness almost like a flying sensation which is highly addictive and far healthier on the mind body and soul than LSD. Could be an expensive few weeks ahead.

http://handsonclinic.co.uk/

Framed for plant pot murder

2011-06-04T11:20:00.000+01:00

I got framed for plant pot murder. I know I can hardly believe it myself, who would do such a thing then have the audacity to get someone else to phone me up and have words with me about it. I also went to see my mother last week, I didn’t mention the framing for plant pot murder scenario as to be honest it happened a long time ago and as I didn’t even do it I find the whole situation quite funny, it’s just water under the bridge.
To tell you the truth I didn’t get to say much to my Mum as from the minute I got there she pretty much talked at me constantly, this is the great thing about my Mum as I don’t like talking much and whenever she’s about I don’t really have to. Amongst a few things she talked at me about there was one I couldn’t quite believe she was actually telling me ‘went to a lovely new restaurant this week’ she said in her mid Devon accent, she’s from Crediton see which defiantly has unique tone ‘such a nice place and amazing service’ ‘I asked for tap water and they gave it to me free’ she said in an excited and surprised way, which at this point I did pipe up and ask if was actually serious or being extremely sarcastic ‘No Andrew I was very impressed, it came in a lovely jug and even had ice and lemon in it’.
I on the other hand am not so impressed with this but I have started doing a bit of lifeguarding for the summer down at Croyde which in the past few days has been impressive.

Wanna be.

2011-05-31T21:31:00.001+01:00

Creative collective: Gulfstream from wavedreamer on Vimeo.

When I was a grom all I wanted to be is a pro surfer but the problem stopping me from being one was that I was shit, well this was a pretty major problem actually which was really messing up my goal. So rather than admit defeat when I left school I started an apprenticeship at Gulf Stream Surfboards which would mean I got to spend heaps more time in the sea and travel for 3 months every winter whilst earning some money, it was like being a pro surfer in the way I could surf when ever and I got to travel a lot but I also had to do that thing called manual labour in a surfboard factory for 45 hours a week.
Had a pretty epic time there which lasted 10 years, surfed shit loads, travelled every winter and learnt heaps about boards, shaping and glassing but it ended all of a sudden when I woke up in a bad mood one day and quit out of the blue. Yeah slightly odd I know but I can be some times.
So the clip above is about my mate Jools who I worked for and surfed with for the 10 years I was there, he shapes pretty sick boards by hand and talks some sense too so check it out.

Tommy

2011-05-22T22:06:00.000+01:00

Had my first shave In over a month yesterday, not that I was being lazy not shaving or anything but remember that time I had to leave my bag in Heathrow because of the excess luggage scenario and that bitch trying to rip me off a grand, well one of the things I left in it was my electric razor charger and I’ve only just got the bag back. Obviously you’re thinking I could of had a wet shave but I couldn’t bring myself to do it, tried it once when I first started shaving and it really hurt my face and I came up with a rash on my neck so I vowed never to do it again.So been home in Devon for a few weeks now and they haven’t been the best, I started to get sick in Jakarta on the way back from Indo and haven’t been on top form since, I sought medical advice from Dr Baker just before we started our separate missions home and he told me ‘Keep washing your hands and face and take these tablets every 4 hours and you’ll be fine’ and handed me a packet of lemsips. I was grateful obviously as it wasn’t like he charged me for the consultation or the lemsips but as I lay on the floor in the airport freezing cold, shivering yet sweating my tits off I couldn’t help but think ‘ why the fuck does he want me to keep washing my hands and face?’
So this is Tommy the Tortoise, my Mum and Dad looked after it a while back and I just found a photo of it on my phone, I was looking for a relevant photo of Dr Baker, the one I had in mind was a photo I saw on Facebook of him in make up dressed as a woman doing his funny little wrist thing that he does. But for the life of me I can’t find it which is a little disappointing so Tommy will have to do.

My stag do tonight

2011-04-26T07:18:00.000+01:00

‘You don’t surf to bad for a cripple’ said Selway, fair point I have got the knees of an OAP but why does he keep having to go on about my knee brace, it’s not like I wear it out of choice or for a fashion statement. He doesn’t like eating fish but I don’t go on about it, ‘just try it mate, it tastes like chicken’ I could say every time he has to explain why he doesn’t like it. Obviously I do say this but only because I know it winds him up and he always goes on about my knee brace.
Anyway, so it’s all coming to an end. We’ve done our male bonding, tops off cuddles and all that shit and it’s been a great success, I got to meet Manuel for the first time, a few waves were surfed, a couple photo’s taken and some little clips filmed and it should all be available for your pleasure soon and did I mention I got to meet Manuel. It’s been hard work I’m not going to lie but it’s all character building or so they say and now we’re in Padang and I’m going to have my stag do tonight, don’t get me wrong I’m not getting married but just fancy a stag do. You know a little celebration and a final bit of team bonding plus I want to see how it goes so I’m prepared for when I do have one.
Manuel say’s ‘Fucking boats’ not sure why just think he’s over them, fair enough I’m not going to argue. Thanks to Diego for making us so welcome and everyone at Mentawai-surfcamp.com

The new 'Manuel' Fan page on facebook

2011-04-23T10:08:00.001+01:00

I know you shouldn’t have one but I think I’ve got a favourite on this trip, Manuel’s from Lanzarote and is amazing amounts of fun and priceless for entertainment but I bet at home’s he’s one of those scary locals that surf’s solid and is just intimidating to look at, with the ability to call you off waves just with eye contact but once you get to know him he’s just like a big cuddle bear. He dislikes surfing small left hander’s just as much as me and generally only speaks 4 words of English at a time. ‘We surf the right’ is his favourite thing to say and he also sings a lot to himself in Spanish, he has trouble sitting still for more than 2 minutes which has been a slight problem when we’re spending so much time on a small boat going from spot to spot.
He often disappears from the camp and can usually be found playing football in the village with the locals or having a sneaky beer on the beach as if he’s an underage drinker or trying to keep it under wraps. I LIKE him so much I’ve set up a fan page for him on Face book I think you should LIKE him too.

Dr Baker

2011-04-22T14:37:00.000+01:00

All I want is everyone to be happy, I think they are but it’s been hard the last couple of days. Waves have been small; mainly lefts and we’ve been spending a lot of time on the boat trying to make the most of everyday and milking every opportunity, so much so when we get home I find myself gently swaying from side to side and stumbling around my room.
Good job Baker came along though, not only is he a really good filmer, he can punt huge front side airs and now he has turned into the team and island doctor, words spread and we’ve got people queuing for miles to see him and get his worldly advice and he’s turned our room into a surgery. He patched up Fergal’s foot and I even heard Damian asking his medical opinion yesterday and now it’s turned out he’s an expert in Malaria too. With his malarial facts Bakers re writing medical journals and claiming things that can’t even be found on Google or Wikipedia ‘once you get malaria it reoccurs the same time every year for the rest of your life’ but after hours of discussion, debate and research it's become apparent. You never question the doctor, never.

How did you sleep?

2011-04-20T14:20:00.000+01:00

Shit view in it and it’s what I have to wake up to, well this and Selway moaning then baker saying really odd things like ‘I slept like a rapist last night’ ‘what the feck are you going on about baker?’ ‘well I slept really well and so do rapists’ the conversation went on like this for about 5 minutes and it turns out the poor lad has his little sayings a bit mixed up but I’ve assured him that rapists probably don’t sleep that well and he really should of said either a baby or a log but I’m not too sure it sank in.
I did on the other hand do an amazing aqua poo today which was possibly the best move I did all day. I paddled past everyone on the peak at bank vaults while they all gave me funny looks as if I was blatantly trying to sneak them all and Manuel even asked me where I was going, I just replied I was going to charge the outside and kept paddling, the thing about aqua poo’s is the sense of freedom that you don’t get with other poo’s and this one ranked highly as one of my better ones.
Apart from this not much to report, everyone’s been barrelled, Damien’s done about 50 back hand air reverses and Fergal’s cut his foot.

A funny joke

2011-04-18T16:09:00.001+01:00

So an English man, Irish man, French man, Spanish man and a Portuguese man all arrive on this island right...... Really they did, this isn’t one of the racist jokes that used to be so popular at school it’s the European Analog surf trip to the Mentawai-surfcamp and after a brief few hours in a air conditioned room in a swanky hotel in Padang we all endured a horrific boat ride, it could of been amazing but the second we left the port the sky’s clouded and the wind began to blow, too tell you the truth I was shitting it and it wasn’t helped by the fact our 2 captains were chain smoking the whole journey whilst surrounded by open barrels of fuel and I couldn’t help but keep thinking the worst case scenario, would we slowly burn or be blown sky high but we all arrived safely although a little wet.
Remember I told you about my mate Dave back a long, well after all my scepticism he invited me to come visit him and said I could bring a couple mates. Me being a bloody nice bloke and all round top guy decided to ask my euro team buddy’s for bit of male bonding, in a good way of course not the tops off cuddling each other way although that may or may not happen but in the team building way and getting to know each other that little bit better and of course get some waves, some shots and a few clips.
I’ll let you know how it goes and how the waves are too.

Bike race

2011-04-17T16:14:00.000+01:00

The other day I got this taxi to town, well I say taxi I just walked out onto the road and some guy on a motorbike stopped and asked If I wanted a lift, I said yes and then we did that bartering thing that you have to seem to do everywhere in indo. He says a stupidly high price then I say no and suggest a stupidly low price then we come to some agreement somewhere in the middle; the whole thing does my head in and no matter what all ways leaves me feeling a little ripped off. After finally getting to a price I jump on the back and have to endure a motorbike ride from hell which consisted of my man smoking a fag whilst driving, having a phone conversation and thinking that by beeping his horn its ok to take blind corners on the wrong side of the road, silly me course it is. I just held on for dear life and just hoped I’d get there in one piece, problem was I’d foolishly paid for a return journey but there wasn’t a chance I was getting on the back of that guys bike again.
So my time in Nias has come to an end and apart from my taxi experience was pretty epic. It wasn’t all about getting barrelled though, here’s me knocking the top off one, a wave that is. Next stop mentawai .

Feeling lucky

2011-04-17T16:05:00.000+01:00

How lucky am I, Just over a year ago I was bored out my brains lying in a bedroom at my mum’s house going on massive internet binges and talking to a cuddly toy I called Big Bird after having my knee reconstructed by my mate Andy the knee surgeon from London and getting over a relationship failure. So a year on I’m all smiles, well not all but more smiles than usual. I’ve had a couple of big waves under my belt and now I’m in indo loving life, Haven’t had the shits yet either which is good news and for some odd reason my farts don’t seem to smell anymore, I have on the other hand broken one of my new boards which is slightly annoying as I feel I hadn’t given her a proper pasting yet and our relationship was cut so short but I guessed it was sort of jinxed from the start as when I picked it up from Diplock a comment was thrown out there that I’d never snapped one of their boards, which was true but not anymore.
Indo’s an odd place and it’s been about 11 years since I was here last and I’d forgotten how bloody brilliant it was, all rules are flexible and you can pretty much do anything and go anywhere, at a small price of course and everyone seems pretty happy about it. So this is me J O J (just off the jet) pasty white, ginger and straight into a Nias double up, of course this isn’t the best way to deal with them but it is one.

A grand don't come for free

2011-04-07T01:08:00.000+01:00

Moved out the multimillion dollar beach house I briefly lived in while in Devon the last few weeks, did some plumbing, had to deal with the most horrible and useless estate agent in the world who I nicked named the devil woman and finally found a place to live, had a few loose nights out and did a bit of surfing then picked up a few new boards, got myself a wetsuit sponsor who I’m stoked to be with and booked myself a ticket to indo. Now I’ve just saved myself a thousand pounds, yep 1 grand. The dreaded check in desk is possibly every surfers nightmare with a lottery outcome but when I got told I’d have to pay a 15kg excess for my sporting equipment I wasn’t that bothered, it’s pretty usual and usually can cost anything from £20.00 to £200.00 but when the woman at the information desk asked for £1000.00, then my credit card I pretty much started crying. ‘Sorry sir but the only sporting equipment we let go for free is golf clubs’ ‘we give you 20kg of luggage for free, sporting equipment or not and anything over that is classed as excess and charged accordingly’ ‘can’t we come to some agreement’ was what I pleaded ‘you know just pretend there golf clubs or something’ but she coldly told me rules were rules and there was no one in the airport who could authorise this. I just left the counter speechless and feeling sick. Without much thought I started unpacking and stuffing anything I thought was essential into my board bag, I’d have to ditch my bag and just take boards, I went back to the counter and explained what I wanted to do and asked where I could leave a bag. She didn’t give a shit pointed me to the check in counter again and said I had to re weigh the bags I wanted to check in. As I wrestled my bag onto the scales and poured my heart out to the guy whilst trying to take some weight with my foot, the check in phone rang. It was that bitch from the information desk telling the guy he had to take my boards to an oversized weighing belt, what was her fecking problem I thought as the scales dipped between 19-23kg depending on where my foot was. The boards weighed in at just over 27kg and although I was still in the depths of a serious excess luggage fisting I had saved myself some serious money, then the guy just turned to me and quietly said ‘we’ll just call that 20kg or there about shall we?!’ and gave me my boarding card.
OK so I still have a bag in Heathrow and no clothes but yet again it shows how fickle the rules of the excess baggage are, just hope they turn up now.

The blow out

2011-03-23T08:55:00.000Z

‘What the hell are you doing leaving Ireland a day before St Patrick’s day’ is what most people asked me and it’s also what I continually asked myself but I had my reasons, things had been good so far and I sort of didn’t want to ruin it so late in the trip and try and get home in one piece with no injuries. Although 10 minutes into what should of been a 14 hour drive home I heard an almightily bang and as I glanced into my wing mirror all I could see was sparks and bits of tyre all over the road. As I pulled over to access the damage I couldn’t help but laugh, What a massive ball ache to say the least, it was 10pm and I had given myself plenty of time to drive the 6 hours to the ferry which left at 9am, things should of been mellow but I wasn’t really planning this little scenario which is no biggie unless you haven’t got a spare tyre and bearings which of course I didn’t. So not wanting to leave the ski on the side of the road for fear some little tinkers might come along and help themselves neither being able to drag it home we slept in the front seats of the van just 10 minutes from our beds freezing cold. The next day I had to leave my mate Gentle Ben guarding it for 5 hours while I drove round trying to get a spare which wasn’t as easy as you might think. Felt sorry for poor Gentle he’d been having a bit of a shocking trip so far and Ireland wasn’t dealing him the best of hands so to speak so this was almost like icing on the cake, for me it wasn’t so bad yeah we missed the ferry yeah it took us nearly 36 hours to get home but I’d had a pretty amazing winter so something like this was pretty trivial although at the time it did feel like something was trying to tell me to stay for just a few more days.
Anyway home now which isn’t so bad is it.........

The bare chested burger eater at KFC

2011-03-14T22:11:00.000Z

Look at our little house. It makes me a little bit sad, not only have I got to go home soon and back to work I’ve also got to tidy and clean it and try and leave it in a respectable state so there might be a slim chance I’ll be able to rent it again sometime. This little scenario wouldn’t take too long between 2 of us but my house mate Lyndon left me on me tod at short notice late at night due to a little ankle injury which he didn’t stop going on about, I’m partly responsible for this so to make myself feel better about the whole situation I sat with him in casualty for 3 hours and pushed him around in a wheel chair to get it x-rayed. To be fair he’s rubbish at cleaning anyway but the trouble is so am I.
Well I’m sort of solo, Gentle Ben had turned up for a few days and keep me company but I can’t expect him to do much tidying although he did clean the dishes yesterday and he came with me to the dump to get rid of Lyndon’s boxes that his boards turned up in.
I love Ireland and am truly gutted to be going, there’s so many reasons why it’s better than home, I could do some sort of list ‘for’s’ and ‘against’ or ‘positives’ and ‘negatives’ and I think the only thing that would be in the against or negative column would be that annoying fecking dog from next door which still barks at me constantly 3-4 times a day and shits all over our lawn. I have got one highlight though from the past 2 months which sticks out in my brain over all the waves, animals, good times and laughter. Last Wednesday I saw a fat guy eating a burger in the KFC bare-chested at 11am, it was pretty busy and not a single sole seemed to be looking at him oddly or thinking it was strange, he just stood at the table, top off with his massive fat guts out eating a Zinger meal. Fecking amazing hope I see him again before I go.

The Kitchen

2011-03-05T14:01:00.002Z

Agh, involuntary groaning noises, look at the state of the kitchen and it’s defiantly Lyndon’s turn to do the washing up. Although he has hurt his foot and can’t surf so I should show him a little compassion but that doesn’t mean I’m going to wash his dirty dishes.
Had a very strange email the other day offering me gift vouchers if I did a product review from a cookware website, defiantly a scam i hear you say. ‘My name is Kate and I’m part of the Promotions Team here at www.CSNStores.co.uk . We have been seeking out high quality websites and blogs, gauging interest in doing a giveaway with one of our sites www.CookwarebyCSN.co.uk or www.allmodern.co.uk/ they sell a huge range of products including Le Creuset cookware apparently. Obviously they haven’t seen the state of my kitchen and the fact I have no interest in cooking, it could be an interesting review.
Jason Feast has been here the last week who coincidently is a dam good cook and we’ve been doing our best not to get any shots, it’s the first time I’ve ever met him and he’s a bloody nice bloke although slightly shorter than I expected. Doesn’t seem to mind the old dick chat either but we’ll see if it tips him over the edge after a few more days.

Annoying barking rabbit dog

2011-02-28T21:42:00.002Z

Remember when I used to have those pants with fish all over them, I loved those pants. Used to call them my lucky pants, until I had that little incident in the hot tub that time at the pub then took them off and threw them at the moon. Evidently I never got them back and although felt a little embarrassed about the whole hot tub/pub/pant scenario but I was more upset that I actually managed to lose my fish pants.
Well Lyndon has exactly the same pair and today driving back from the surf he teased me by wearing only the said pants all the way home. It was like rubbing salt into an open gash, in fact I was thinking about my pants so much I completely forgot about the wheel clamp for the trailer and it wasn’t till we pretty much got home, Lyndon still in fish pants that I remembered. ‘Feck Lyndon, we forgot the clamp.’ It wasn’t even like a quick 10 minute drive back either as we’d been surfing miles away and it was a good hour to go back, plus the thing cost us nearly £90.
So in a slightly shitty mood pissed off about my missing favourite fish pants that I stupidly threw at the moon and now realising I’d left the trailers wheel clamp and the harbour which is over a hour away I get home and am faced with this. Stupid annoying barking rabbit dog which barks at me every day, 3 times a day and also everyone else who happens to pass by, but as the lady said ‘don’t be scared it won’t bite’ and ‘it’s only barking cause it known’s no one should be living there’.
Been here nearly 2 months now, got 1 more left. God I hate that dog.....

Mullaghmore Tow contest 20011

2011-02-15T22:35:00.000Z

Did that tow contest at Mullaghmore the other day with the Big Red on the Red Bull, I had a bit of a shocker but as a team we managed to squeak in a 3^rd place overall and Al even got an award for best barrel which was a shock to everyone involved, even Al.
Was a epic event and good on Paul O’kane for getting it together, to be honest there was no real rivalry or competitiveness going down just really good vibes, everyone charging hard and pushing it, then when the contest was over we all got out and had a little group cuddle in the harbour with our tops off. Sounds gay I know but that’s what we do after every Mullaghmore session, So you could just say it was like any normal session but we only had an hour to get our waves and it cost 150 euro to enter.
I want to dedicate my 3^rd place to Leggey the bloke from Braunton who caught that fuck off massive fish and made the cut for the back page of the North Devon Journal. As you can see my trophies are sitting next to the signed framed copy he gave me for Christmas. Next year I’m going to win and then maybe I’ll make the back page just like Leggey, just hope he isn’t out fishing that week I do.

Stinking of piss

2011-02-11T18:58:00.001Z

The surf was absolutely pumping yesterday so it was just a little bit annoying that I was out the back of Rooney Tyres and Exhaust in Bundoran with parts of the ski scattered around me having a nervous breakdown trying to piece it all back together with the help of the technician on the other end of the phone. It did that thing where it started on dry land but the second we put it in the water and I pissed in my wetsuit it wasn’t having any of it so we had to pull it out again and I spent the morning stressing and stinking of piss, which isn’t that unusual to be fair. The lad from Rooney’s tyres and Exhaust was a star for letting us use all his tools though, it’s a family run business but no relation to that football bloke Wayne, although I did shout ‘Roooooooooooooooooney’ ‘Roooooooooooooooney’ in his face once or twice in between asking for spanners and screwdrivers and he fecking loved it. Had to cheer myself up somehow as I was almost in tears over what I thought I was missing. To cut a massive scene of a day short I managed to get in the sea with about an hour or so of light to go, the plan was to paddle but with light fading and the way the day was going opted to tow a few just to make the most of it.
This is a reject shot of one of the bigger sets that came through in the short time we surfed, It sort of sums my day up really, blurry and out of focus and poor Gary wasn’t too happy either, we’re all putting the effort in but things aren’t always as straight forward as they seem and look, but there’s always next time.

Photo: http://www.potatobread.co.uk/

Prowlers paddle

2011-02-09T08:35:00.000Z

You know it’s going to happen at some point and that’s all part of paddling but when it does it seems to take so long. I think I knew I was fecked about a minute before the set came, it’s that 50/50 scenario where the normal part of my brain is telling me to paddle out so I don’t get cleaned up but the slightly odd part is saying stand your ground because you want to be able to catch one of these buggers. Then there’s the realisation your definitely gunna get caught and no matter how hard you paddle and what direction you just seem to move nowhere then after you’ve dealt with the first wave there’s always a bigger heavier one behind. Course there is that’s life.
So the photo was taken by Gary McCall and I think this is either the 2^nd or 3^rd wave I took on the head while surfing prowlers the other day, I’d lucked in and managed to catch a couple before hand and was now playing chicken with myself, it ended in me getting a right old kicking, losing my board and luckily being rescued by Barry.
Recently I’ve been sleeping in my hoody and socks, no pants as ideally I’d like to sleep naked but the heating has broken and it’s too cold so I’ve compromised with myself and just sleep naked from the waist down, it’s good to compromise. This obviously has nothing to do with anything I’d just thought I’d get it off my chest.

Photo: http://www.potatobread.co.uk/

The arm waving hey technique

2011-02-07T09:47:00.000Z

Awww bless him, look how happy and content little Lyndon looks. This whoever wasn’t the case early on when all you could see was fear and panic in his eyes.
How annoying is it when your car doesn’t start, it usually happens when you’re in a rush, late for work or urgently need to be somewhere. Then out of the blue and with no explanation your car just won’t start, It’s never done it before and quite possibly won’t do it again which makes it all the bit more tedious and annoying, Well that sort of happened to us the other day.
Floating out to sea beside a off shore bombie we’d been checking out, I was pressing START but all that was happening was the engine was turning over and whining yet not actually sparking, no biggie really apart from the set of the day was loaming and we had drifted right into the line of fire.
‘It’s not starting’ I shouted to Lyndon as I turned everything off and re set the immobilizer in a small attempt to make it look like I know what I’m doing, still no joy just the woeful sound of the engine whining. ‘We’re fucked’ was Lyndon’s reply as he descended into a whole world of pain, panic and probably self questioning as the set became closer and it was an almost certain we’d get hit by it, then bizarrely he stands up waving his hands above his head shouting ‘hey’ at the top of his voice. God knows who he was doing this too or even excepted to help in such short notice, maybe he was trying to confront and scare the waves off like you’re supposed to do when you’re faced with a wild beast. I wasn’t going to question him I just kept pressing START and was planning when to actually abandon ship and how fast and what direction I’d have to swim to get the fecking thing back, then almost like a miracle or someone playing a really bad joke she fired and the engine fully kicked in just in time for us to squeak over the shoulder of the first wave. Might have to take up that ‘arm waving hey technique’ next time I’m having engine troubles, seems to work wonders.

Sharing’s caring

2011-02-02T19:23:00.002Z

When it comes to waves and surfing a saint on dry land can suddenly turn into a sinner, those selfish tendencies that all humans seem to have can come out and you tend to look out for number one. It can be tuff when you think someone’s getting more than their fair share of waves or being slightly snaky in the sea, who can blame anyone for wanting to catch as many waves as possible and getting the best ones at that.
The other nightmare is if you ever go on trips or missions with a few mates and everyone wants different things when deciding where to surf. I personally go for any right hander, ideally slightly bigger and barrelling but I’ll never turn down a slightly fatter point break either, it’s a given really as I’m natural footed and like getting barrelled. Some of my mates would be looking for something completely different and there’s nothing wrong with that but it just helps if you’re all singing from the same sheet when it comes to deciding on somewhere to surf.
So this is a photo of myself and Lyndon and a perfect compromise yesterday as he likes getting pitted on lefts, also turns out we shared a little moment together when this wave came through, no sneaking, no hassling just a prefect split peak situation. Happy days.......

New Irish Cola

2011-01-30T22:28:00.000Z

Mikey’s just arrived for a few days in the emerald isle, nice guy but not to be 100% trusted so all valuables and processions wanted are kept under lock and key. It’s not a racial thing it’s just I’ve learnt from my mistakes in the past when he lured me into a false sense of security and trust then when I was at my most venerable stole my flip flops pretty much from under my feet.
He’s come to do some filming which is kind of strange and I’m struggling to come to terms with it as whenever I usually spend any time with this thieving South African we’re in the sea together surfing and the oddest thing is that he hasn’t even bought a surfboard. He’s got a wetsuit though and I’ve told him that if we get some good clips we’ll go for a little wooden belly board together as a special treat as I know he loves ridding all sorts of water craft and to be honest is pretty talented at ridding them too, actually to be fair I’m not completely sure who should be filming who.
The best thing though is that he does seem to be enjoying this new Irish cola I’ve introduced him too and who can blame him.

Annoying dog next door

2011-01-22T21:10:00.000Z

I just love hanging out with all types of animals it really makes my day, they just seem never to get bored and always happy to see you, well except our next door neighbour’s dog which constantly seems to bark at you. She keeps coming out and apologising for it's continuous outbursts and noise pollution saying ‘don’t be scared it won’t bite’ and ‘its only barking cause he knows no one should be living there.’ Like I’m going to be scared of that little yapping thing it’s about the size of a fecking rabbit, plus I know she’s lying because I’ve seen the fecking thing barking at everything and anyone that passes the house. Anyway apart from the stupid little barking rabbit dog thing that lives next door I love all animals.
Been seeing a lot of donkeys recently and there soon turning into my new favourite. This is Lionel and Neil, we met for the first time just yesterday but we seemed to click and there now on my list of animals to visit whenever I’ve got a spare 5 minutes.
As for the surf, yeah it’s been pumping, yeah we’re been getting barrelled and yeah we’ve been having fun, haven’t got any footage or photos of it though but I have got a couple of epic donkey ones.

Giant Cow contest

2011-01-20T21:42:00.000Z

After 9 hours of driving a 2 ½ hour flight and a 1 ½ hour long heat in 10-12 ft solid surf you don’t really feel like chatting to people or even being slightly sociable.
Just been down in Santander for the Quicksilver La Vaca IV gigantica big wave paddle comp you see and although it didn’t go exactly to plan we had some good times. I got to pick up my new Channel Islands 9’3” gun which the guys at Analog very kindly gave me and I also got to surf La Vaca which means ‘Giant cow’ but unfortunately the final was pulled due to the inconsistent swell. Pretty typical really because out of the 16 invitees myself and Al made it to the final 8 which I was pretty stoked about, I think it’s been some time since i've actually made it through a heat as my competitive side of things has never been that hot.
Don’t think this old fella was judging or had anything to do with the contest for that matter but he seemed happy as Larry cruising around the competitors area making the most of the free food and drink, I haven’t got a clue what his name is and to be fair couldn’t understand a word he was saying but he was smiling a lot and gesticulating about which I thought was brilliant, I think he’s in training and wants to get involved for next year. I can’t wait.

BSD

2011-01-14T21:17:00.000Z

I’ve got this strange habit of obsessing with a word then repeating it constantly and randomly putting it into sentences where it doesn’t make any sense what so ever, it doesn’t even have to be a word sometimes it’s just a noise. firstly I went through a phase of going ‘mi’ all the time, it didn’t mean anything I just kept doing it, then it was ‘woof’ like the dog bark and then I couldn’t help but say ‘midgets ‘ at everything and everyone I saw or met. It must be a nightmare for anyone who spends anytime with me, not just because I’m really annoying to be around when I’m bleating on about nonsense making odd noises but I’ve also noticed that it rubs off on people too. If I say a word enough other people I’m with subconsciously start saying it and using it. The past month I’ve been obsessed with the word ‘dick’ I’m constantly saying it to myself and manage to slip it in to most conversations and scenario’s. The worst is when i'm looking for a word in my head but end up just replacing the word i'm wanting to say with dick.
Yesterday I had a full on wrestling match with the ski on a remote beach after a little mission we had looking for waves, almost loosing the plot and thinking to myself we’d never get the fecking ski off the beach I went dick crazy. I must of repeated it about 100 times as I tried to get the ski onto the trailer and the trailer off the fecking sand. We did it in the end and I’m not going to lie it was a mission but the funny thing was, when we’d got changed and started heading off for home Lyndon looked at me and said ‘that was a right old dick fight’ I just replied ‘ yep a fecking massive one.’

Scapegoat

2011-01-11T16:08:00.000Z

Builders and tradesman have this funny knack of blaming each other when things aren’t running to schedule, it’s like ‘oh things are taking so long because I’m waiting for the carpenter’ which then gets the customer off their backs and onto the said trade that was mentioned. It’s happened to me a few times before, getting calls telling me i'm holding everything up like and there life depends on it then when you get there all you have to do is turn off a tap or less, but you just take it on the chin then give as good as you get next time a similar situation arises.
This sort of happened this week; I’ve been putting off leaving Devon as I’ve been waiting to finish some bathrooms. Getting more impatient and not wanting to miss any more swells I booked my ticket regardless of my little plumbing jobs but as I left work yesterday I got asked the golden question ‘when do you think the on-suite will be finished?’ I just replied ‘probably not for some time as I’m going away for a bit tomorrow’ then I quickly put in ‘I’ve been trying to get in there for weeks but the tiller has been holding me up’. Technically I wasn’t lying as I would of had it done if he hadn’t been in there the last 2 days although it was me holding him up in the first place but like I say I had to blame someone and it’s not like I’ve left them without a toilet or running water and i'm sure the tiller would of done the same to me if it was the other way round.
Oh yeah and Red Bull have given us a ski to use, it’s a Kawasaki 1600 supercharged which is 250Hp, the thing is deadly and could do some serious damage. Me and Lyndon took it for a little spin the other day to see how it goes.....Look out!
Photo: Rob Tibbles

Inspiration

2011-01-09T23:07:00.003Z

Remember the time that Braunton man caught that massive fish that everyone was talking about which made the cut for the back page of the North Devon Journal. Well for Christmas my good mate Wakey got him to sign a copy and framed it for me. I’m so stoked and think it’s possibly the best present I had this year, well apart from the handkerchiefs my mum bought me from Marks and Spencers which left me slightly confused. Do grown men even use handkerchiefs? I always thought it was young kids and OAP’s, but I thanked her none the less.
‘To Andrew, Maybe one day you’ll be as famous as me! Cheers Leggey’ is what he wrote at the top of it and hopefully he’s right. I’m going to take it to Ireland with me where it’s going to take pride and place on my bedside table and every morning I’ll look at and use it as inspiration to help me get through my day. Who knows maybe one day when I’m broke, desperate and homeless it will be worth a shit load of cash and I’ll sell it on eBay.
Cheers for the present Wakey yer BSD, top bloke and thank you leggey for taking the time out of your busy fishing schedule to sign it for me.

Tough call

2010-12-31T22:30:00.000Z

Thought I’d post this old clip that Mr B made a few years back in Scotland. There’s a couple of things that stick out in my mind about this clip, the first is the same swell was hitting Ireland and the call was that Aileen’s was going to fire. I also knew Scotland was going to be good and had one of those situations where you just wish you could be in two places at once; it wasn’t an easy decision with hours spent on the phone to Al Mennie and Tim Nunn trying gage conditions and swell size to make the right call, but I managed to make it but proceeded to insist on phoning Al every hour to get a Irish swell report which would then affect my mood depending on the news, you could say it was an up and down few days full of different moods and self flagellation.
The other thing was Mr B who was filming had this hideous back problem and could only lie down or stand up. So he spent the whole drive up there lying in the back of the van moaning with every bump and corner as he was in so much pain, poor bloke even had to stand up when we went out for meals. I remember on the last night eating at this nice pub and getting some odd looks as myself and Tim tucked into our steaks sitting at the table and Mr B tucked into his whilst awkwardly standing up looking down on us grimacing in pain with every bite. That shows the commitment right there I think you’ll have to agree.
Oh and If I remember correctly Aileen’s was huge, Al tried to paddle it and Ben Skinner, Mole and a few other Irish lads towed. Mole got a cover shot on Pit Pilot mag and Al got cleaned the fuck up trying to paddle from the bottom of the cliff. Still not sure if I made the right call or not.

Pissed up bloke I once saw outside the pub.

2010-12-25T11:53:00.001Z

I’ve got this vivid memory of seeing this guy outside the pub one night smashed out his face, he seemed to be alone and just rolling around on the bonnet of this car (which obviously wasn’t his) spilling his beer all over himself before smashing it on the floor. I just watched him for a few minutes as he tried to pick himself off the bonnet of this car and stagger off down the road laughing and shouting to himself like some sort of lunatic. I remember thinking ‘fuck that’s that saffa guy that rips and he’s possibly the most pissed person I’ve ever seen’.
Although then I didn’t know his name or ever speak to him, 15 years later I’ve come to know this pissed up saffa personally, spending months with him in Hawaii and hanging out at home. He’s put a bit of weight on now mind you since I first saw him but he still surfs pretty good and like most saffas from the Cape Town area likes to charge too.
Well he’s been back In SA now for a few months and for some reason has taking up filming, shame really cause I think he’d do pretty good in front of the camera, just for the fact it’s inspiring to see such a keg with legs surfing so good but lucky for him his bro surfs pretty good too and he’s slightly slimmer and more pleasing on the eye. Check out the clip I think you’ll like it.

Britain's best naked Plumber

2010-12-12T20:31:00.000Z

“What the bloody hell do you think you’re doing bey?” “What’s it look like Barry” “I’m being Britain’s best naked plumber.”
I know it is a slightly odd thing to do on a building site and Barry was slightly worried about the Health and Safety aspects but I had to start somewhere if I really want to make a name for myself in this plumbing world. I did originally enter myself for Britain’s best young plumber award which was on TV the other week but I didn’t even make it through the first round, they said I wasn’t passionate or committed enough and the fact I only really plumbed for about 2 months of the year I couldn’t really even call myself a plumber and there was a slight indication what sort of person they were looking for in the title and being 30 doesn’t really qualify me as ‘young’.
Obviously I told them I didn’t even want to be in there shit programme anyway and was going to make my own award and programme hence me being butt naked at work on Friday morning, thing is I’ve got to act fast if I want to make it as the best naked plumber in Britain because come January I don’t have the slightest intention of plumbing one bit, in fact on new year’s eve I’m going to drive to Baggy Point and launch my pipe benders off the end then throw all my spanners at the moon. But until then I am available for hire, although I do charge slightly more for the naked plumbing day rate as I am currently the best in Britain.

Loose Human

2010-12-09T19:58:00.000Z

I’m a loose and unpredictable human, it just the way I am. I also hate the cold; really hate it which is why like a lot of my behaviour and actions leaves me slightly confused. After plumbing my fingers to the bone the past month and getting some cash together I’ve decided to spend the next 3 months in Ireland, yep not Indo, Hawaii or any other warmer climates where the sun shines and the waters warm. Ireland, where the wind blows and the average air temp is sub zero. It’s something I’ve always wanted to do but never fully committed too, usually shying away at the last minute or opting for the sunnier option and who could blame me as I do really really hate the cold.
I’ll be taking my GoPro cameras to do my standard DIY stuff, I hope to make a couple of short clips with the help of Richard at Wavedreamer, they’ll consist of the usual things I like filming, maybe some rocks, fields, defiantly some animals and hopefully a couple of waves.
As usual the photo has very little to do with this but it was taken in Ireland when I was over there last time with the old boys and bear the dog. Bear had a bum deal to be honest, he cut his foot on the first day so was having a shocker from word go, he couldn’t walk properly or join us on our searches for flotsam and as if like a final kick in the swingers they don’t even let dogs in the pubs. So as you can imagine he spent a lot of time on his own probably thinking that Ireland s the shittest place for a dog to go on holiday ever. Hopefully my 3 month little stint will be slightly better.

Flotsam

2010-11-30T18:07:00.000Z

Found this boat in a field pretty close to a little bay on the last day I was in Ireland, the old boys I was hanging out with are obsessed with walking the coast looking for ‘flotsam’ Which basically means they walk along the shore line looking for wood, fishing boys, nets, rope and any other random junk that gets washed up on the shoreline. They collect it all, drag it back to the van and just hoard it, occasionally spending 5 minutes to knock up an odd fishing boy/rope/wood piece of art before discarding it and leaving it to roll around in the back of the van. You can’t knock it too much as they occasionally find some pretty cool stuff which can be interesting; it’s just an acquired taste I suppose. I don’t mind tagging along just not really into collecting all the ‘flotsam’ and dragging the shit miles back to the van but it is a good way to check out the coast line and scope out waves. When I came across this boat though they got pretty excited and I can pretty much guarantee if they could of dragged it off and fitted it in the back of the van they would of, luckily it was in a field and miles away. I did have to mention that although the boat was in no way sea worthy and looked as it had been there rotting for years, i was positive someone actaually owned it and it would be missed. Instead we just tried to work out how old it was and how many lobster’s it had probably caught which filled a good 10 minutes before going back to looking for flotsam again.

Bad dreams

2010-11-24T19:54:00.001Z

Have you ever had one of those dreams where you’re getting chased by something or someone horrible and scary and can’t get away, then you turn down a dead end and have no choice but to face them. Then you suddenly wake up in a cold sweat and panic screaming out in terror? Nah neither have I, but I was just curious.
This is just a little clip of me doing a pick up for Gmac at Nazare last week, like I said in a previous post this place is pretty gnarly with heaps of aerated foam on the inside which can be a nightmare when driving the ski, that combined with the fact that 6ft walls of white water wash up the steep beach so if you don’t find a gap pretty quick you’re up the beach high and dry. Luckily in this little clip I find one just meters from the sand.

Clean socks

2010-11-23T12:34:00.000Z

I just have to have a clean pair of socks every day, if I don’t I just feel dirty. Odd really as I haven’t shaved in well over a month and since I’ve been on my little mission, with a brief visit to Nazare in Portugal and now in rural Ireland with the old boys and bear the dog my personal hygiene hasn’t been top notch so to speak, you could pretty much say my clothes could stand up and walk off by themselves. But who’ve I got to impress? haven’t really be socializing with any normal folk the past few days and we have been going in the sea every day which kind of counts as a shower, well apart from the bit of having to put my wetsuit on which coincidently stinks of cats piss as it to hasn’t been cleaned in some time.
Home next week as Barry the builder from Braunton keeps leaving messages on my phone, something about radiators need moving in the front room and I’m holding everyone up, again. God I hate plumbing.

Calculated Crazy

2010-11-20T14:48:00.001Z

Plumbed my face off last week and hated every second of it, if you could have heard the involuntary groaning noises, agh. So the plan was to give myself a well earned holiday and take a little break with the old boys, Skelly, Stenno, Bro and Bear the dog in Ireland surfing fun waves on silly boards and generally just being old and odd.
The only odd thing that happened was 6 hours into it and half way across the Irish channel I got a call which lasted about 10 seconds and consisted of about only 10 words, ‘it’s on tomorrow’ ‘can you make it’ ‘that’s a green light then’ ‘go go go’ before I knew it I was dropped at a train station and making my way to Dublin airport for my flight to Portugal.
It wasn’t completely out of the blue as we had been speaking on email for a few weeks but I never thought it would actually happen as the Atlantic can be a pretty fickle place and everyone I spoke to about it said I’d be crazy to even consider going there on a big swell, the place is called Nazare and you can read their blog HERE about what Garrett’s been up to there over the past month.
An amazing couple days which is hard to put into words and you really have to see with your own eyes to believe. My take on it is calculated crazy and that is what I sort of took from Garrett who is absolutely frothing on this place, from surfing the waves to actually having to rescue someone on a ski there has to be 100% calculated. Just check Garrett even putting the ski’s in the water on the first day, I’d say he’s pretty calculated...............crazy.
Would like to thank everyone involved for inviting myself and Al down and making us feel so welcome, hopefully be seeing you down there again soon.

Braunton Man catches record breaking fish.

2010-11-15T19:59:00.000Z

You seen the size of that fish on the back of the North Devon Journal? Everyone’s talking about it and its all I’ve heard from my mates this week, it’s a record breaker apparently and matey boy from Braunton caught it off Ilfracombe. Sort of puts things in perspective really, while I shoulder hopped on a wave in Ireland getting me a cover shot on the Irish Times, Wavelength Surf mag (which is out next wednesday/thursday) plus getting plastered all over the 2 biggest surfing websites in the world, you could say things were really kicking off with all the hype involved and I was more than happy to enjoy the ride and savour every second.
Although that wave was pretty big the reality is there’s just no comparison to that massive fish, brilliant isn’t it. Rob Tibbles gave me a great little write up in the surfing section though which I was stoked about and you can check it out here.

But check the size of that fecking fish on the back page, Christ!

first few waves in over 6 months.

2010-11-10T11:32:00.001Z

Cotty's knee meets hurricane Igor from wavedreamer on Vimeo.

Remember when I was in the depths of despair, girlfriend leaving me, massive knee operation, got told I wouldn’t be able to surf for 9 months. Went slightly insane and only talked to a cuddly toy I called ‘Big bird’ for a solid 8 weeks, had huge internet binges and was generally slightly crazy.
All because I couldn’t surf, well 6 months later despite advice I got back in the sea. Here are my first few waves.

Prowlers Today

2010-11-08T22:15:00.002Z

Agh involuntary groaning noises , I've been so good about this waiting to surf big waves thing but today I crumbled. Made a quick 24 hour dash to Ireland, with huge swell and rare winds forecasted there was no way I was gunna stay in Devon. With chart like that and talk of new spots on the cards I was pretty amped. All the boys got bombs Al, Richie, Paul, Barry and Jerome with Aaron Pierce, Joe Kennedy and Conn Osborne shooting from the boat. The spots named Prowlers and the guys have had there eye on it for some time, you can pretty much say we scored, this was my last wave of the day. May not tell my physio or mention it to Andy the knee surgeon from London at the end of the month but you could say i'm I'm pretty stoked.
Photo:Conn Osborne www.surfingphotography.com

Hot London

2010-11-05T21:04:00.000Z

Been doing this Bikram yoga last weekend, it’s amazing. For those you have no idea what I’m banging on about or a clue what it is, basically it’s like doing Yoga in a sauna and this guy Bikram patented it along with a few moves and now charges people a shit load of money to copy him. Clever flexible hippy I say and also it’s a surprisingly hectic workout that absolutely roots you.
Personally I’m not much of a yoga fan and that sort of thing has never floated my boat but hanging out semi naked in a hot room mainly full of woman doing funny stretches and poses in front of a mirror can be pretty fun. There was one little scenario on the second session with the old woman in front, who happened to be wearing baggy shorts, when doing this particular pose was pretty much letting it all hang out so to speak. Believe me it wasn’t a pretty sight but it was one of those situations where even though you know you shouldn’t I just couldn’t help but look. I was going to say something like ‘excuse me I can see your fanny’ or maybe just have a quite word in her ear to save the next poor person who happens to be stood behind her from permanent mental scarring as she seemed to know what she was doing so she obviously was a regular. But I didn’t seem to find the appropriate time, not that that’s ever stopped me before. The only drawback to this hot Bikram yoga thing is that you have to drive all the way to hot London to do the bloody stuff which does seem quite excessive. But that’s just life sometimes.

Lately.

2010-10-26T13:14:00.000+01:00

What you been up to lately? Well the past week I was a councillor and shoulder to cry on for a good mate whose fiancée left him in his prime, tough job for anyone but as a good friend and bloody nice bloke somehow I came up with some positives and a few words of wisdom to try and get him out of the god almighty depths of insanity and the ‘meaning of life’ thoughts he found himself asking.
Then I decided I wanted to get some quality waves and hopefully get barrelled so looked into going on a little surf mission to the North East, then it was Scotland then finally Ireland. All of which never came to fruition due the uncompromising ways of mother nature so I ended up randomly going to a party in London which a friend very kindly got me tickets too. After being slightly socially inappropriate to strangers and being a loose cannon I decided to use my phone and be inappropriate on social networking sites, realising the errors of my ways I then threw my phone at the moon, shaking my fist screaming ‘dam you modern technology’ and ‘why?’ at the top of my voice. Well it was either that or I left it in the taxi that took us home but none the less I woke up without it which added to myself inflicted guilt. Having not learnt my lesson from the previous night I descended into one almighty internet binge which ended in me somehow chatting to an ex girlfriend who I dated for 4 years about 6 years ago. Turns out she’s now married, has kids, a house and is very happily living abroad which then lead me to think and ponder about the ‘meaning of life’, choices and paths I could of taken and actually what the hell have I been doing in the past 6 years since we split up.
Then yesterday the surf was flat so I went to the gym and rowed until I almost puked as some sort of punishment for being such an inappropriate idiot over the weekend, like that’s going to teach me a lesson. After that I went to see Richard Gregory at Wave dreamer to put the finishing touches to the clip we’re putting together. This is when I realised maybe my personal choices aren’t all doom and gloom after all, I get to share some amazing times with some special people and I’m pretty dam lucky in life. I also found this little clip of my fisherman mates from The Cliffs of Moher which I took when over there last month. I wonder what these two guys have been up to lately.

AG Board short test 1.

2010-10-13T10:35:00.001+01:00

When I got invited to a board short test I jumped at the chance as to be honest I was thinking like a week in the Caribbean or maybe Indo surfing, wearing boardies. So I’ll have to admit when I found out that it was a day in Bedford and at a Flowhouse I was slightly disappointed and also worried for my limbs as I’ve heard the odd horror story about these things and with my luck wasn’t prepared to take any silly risks. Being the switched on sort of person I am I came up with a plan which involved inviting young Alex Baker along to do my side of the testing and risk taking, he surf’s pretty good, can do airs and shit so this flow rider thing should be a walk in the park for him I thought.
Well it isn’t as easy as it looks and I can honestly say it’s nothing like surfing, skating or snowboarding but when your natural show off like myself, faced with a small crowd I did manage to lay down some turns and generally impress, although I think the highlight was just messing about on the body boards. As for Alex, well it didn’t go exactly to plan, although he did meet all the crew at Analog he wasn’t as natural as I thought he might be which was slightly annoying for him and quite amusing for me.

I LUV COCK......... and Mullaghmore

2010-10-06T21:26:00.000+01:00

Oh how the Irish love the crack, so there I was driving round rural Ireland waving to all the old boys in their tractors and folk alike. Got a lot of attention when I rocked up at some surf spot too, but I just put it down to they must recognise me, that’s understandable as I do get the odd shot in the mags and I was even on telly once. Little did I know I was sporting a new personalised number plate! Must of looked like a right twat as I got changed for the surf thinking I was all cool as the group of lads kept looking over, probably muttering to each other ‘look at that English toss pot who the feck does he think he is with a number plate like that?’ even made a point of jogging past them on the way to the waves and shouting ‘alright’ and doing a little wave. I’m just happy I noticed before I got pulled over by the cops or at customs at Fishguard. Of course I had an idea who it was but it wasn’t until I received this today from photographer Conn Osborne that I had the proof, Al Mennie the funny big ginger fecker you’re a comedian.
Oh yeah, if you haven’t heard already yesterday Mullaghmore was off the dial, huge and offshore. Al being Al decided he was going to paddle no matter what, as I sat on the ski in the channel and he dodged Wide clean up sets and tried to position himself in the pretty much impossible line up, nutter not a chance I’d of grabbed me tow board in a instant but as he tried to convince himself and me it was a good idea he told me ‘I could tow these waves all day long, I just really want to paddle into one’. Fair play you big crazy fecker. The boys who had the sense to tow, if that’s possible! Mikee Hamilton, Dave Lavelle, Paul O’Kane, Barry Mottershead, Richie Fitzgerald, Neil Britton, Peter Craig, Rick Hutton, Dylan Scott and Kurt Rist took it apart and charged harder than ever, really raising the level out there and inspiring me beyond belief, If I don’t see some cover shots from Aaron Pierce who was shooting from the boat I’ll be amazed, good work by all involved. Just give me a couple more weeks till I get the all clear from Andy the knee surgeon from London and I’ll be right out with you, Can’t wait....
photo: conn@surfingphotography.co.uk

The weekend bender

2010-10-04T11:28:00.000+01:00

I’ve just worked out in the last 2 weeks I’ve eaten 83 sausages, that’s a fuck load off sausage for any one man to eat and hardly the diet of an athlete. It’s like everywhere you go they sell hot sausages in Ireland and I just can’t help myself as I just love them, from garages, corner stores to supermarkets they all seem to have these little deli counters that sell hot sausage. Obviously I have eaten other things to try and balance it out, like fruit etc but I’ve pretty much only really been eating sausages.
So this is me at my favourite right hander after a balanced breakfast, lunch and dinner of sausage, the shots by Aaron Pearce who I was surprised to see there as he’s usually shooting death slabs or huge Mullaghmore which is where I often see him and know him from.
Been riding this board which diplock has leant me called ‘The mushy pea’ I’ve re named it ‘The weekend bender’ as its loose, fast and loves good lines, it’s also my re-hab board which I got to help keep me on the straight and narrow so to speak and it’s been doing just that.
You seen the chart for tomorrow? Shit the bed, probably be seeing Aaron again!

A left hander, Myself, Terry, Doris and a red tractor

2010-10-02T22:55:00.000+01:00

I finally know what I want to do when I’m older, not that I’m young but I’m talking maybe in a couple of years when everything’s become too much and I feel the need to eject myself from normal society and day to day life. I’m gunna sell all my worldly possessions, which to be fair only really consists of my van and, um, my van. Yeah that’s about it; well my van and 23 surfboards but I wouldn’t sell those for the life of me. So I’m going to sell my van and buy a old red tractor, get myself a dog and call it Terry and also a goat which I’m going to call Doris.
So Myself, Terry and Doris are going to live in front of this insane left which I surfed today and when not surfing were all gunna cruse round in my old red tractor, maybe to the local pub or just through town, Terry by my left shoulder and Doris by my right and I’ll talk to them, but not in English just in dog and goat noises like ‘woof’ and ‘bleat’ or whatever noises goats make. I’d be known as ‘That weird English bloke that drives that fucked old red tractor and talks in dog and goat noises.’ But I’d be happy, who wouldn’t with an empty sick left hander to surf, red tractor, a dog called Terry and a goat called Doris in your life.
Job done and my future sorted, might call the folks and let them know; hope this left pumps again tomorrow. If not I might get started on this life plan of mine and buy myself a goat.

Coffee for two

2010-10-01T21:00:00.000+01:00

The other day I was standing outside one of those coffee places, you know the ones that do those loyalty cards which when you spend £30 on coffee they so kindly give you one free. I’d just bought an overpriced latte and was about to savour my first sip, when this old fella comes up to me and asks for a 1 euro for a cup of tea. I didn’t even think and it was almost an instant reaction as I handed him my stupidly overpriced latte ‘have that mate if you want’ ‘just got it and haven’t even had any yet’. This guy was obviously in a bit of a scenario with life although he didn’t look that rough and seemed to be slightly more cleaner and sober than the likes of my mate Szczepan from Poland but he took the latte off me and had a sip. We both stood there momentarily in silence as I watched him drink the coffee then out of the blue he broke the silence and said ‘you want to share?’
Blue tractors have nothing to do with this but I like them and spotted this one while I was looking for waves today, Surfs been pumping.

Jog on.

2010-09-26T17:53:00.000+01:00

Just a little observation I’ve made. The Irish love to walk, not normal walking like when you walk a dog but this funny little speed walking scenario which isn’t quite jogging yet faster than a normal walk, they dress like there gunna jog but haven’t quite got there yet or maybe there just warming up to it yet I haven’t seen anyone actually jogging.
In the past 48 hours I’ve surfed 5 waves and spent about 14 hours on this fecking jet ski, why so long in the sea and so little waves? You’re probably thinking. Well I’m not as stupid as I look or sound no matter what you think and I managed to find that bit of self control that I seem to lack so often in life and take it as easy and as safe as I possibly could, this meant a lot of watching and choosing my time really because technically I shouldn’t be fully surfing yet although my physio did say I should build up things to where I want to be instead of just throwing myself in at the deep end on the 9 month mark, which is when I’m supposed be back to full surfing fitness. The ski’s been like our car as in we’ve just been cruising about and making the most of the waves which have been in the 6 to 10ft area, all in full paddle range which Big Al made the most of and some of the local crew who charged Aileen’s. Which is always good to witness from the channel, while I quietly had words with myself and ensured that my hand break on life was firmly on and I didn’t listen to Derrick who lives in the other side of my brain.
I filmed my whole 5 waves and 14 hours on the ski with my GoPro camera which is possibly going to make the most tedious and boring GoPro clip known to man, which will be a feat in itself as there’s shitloads out there on the world wide web! But hopefully Richard from Wavedreamer is going to help me on the edit so you’ll have to check it out when it’s done.
Might put my running kit on now and go for a walk, you look silly but everyone’s doing it here and I just want to fit in.

Good things come to those who wait.

2010-09-24T18:45:00.000+01:00

I haven’t made one of those involuntary groaning noises in the past 24 hours, um well actually make that 10 as I briefly made a couple this morning when I woke up in the van freezing and realised that it was howling northerly which meant our surfing plans were limited. I got over it pretty quickly though as deep down I knew I shouldn’t really be going to nuts at the moment, ‘take it easy’ is what every fecker keeps telling me, easy for them to say as they haven’t been hanging around all summer listening to every tom, dick and harry banging on about waves, surfs and sessions they’ve had. I think my melting point was when someone said to me ‘oh, so I suppose that’s it for your surfing now then’ not sure what he was getting at or he just wanted to make me feel shit, but I just agreed with him and said I’d taken up croaky instead and was aiming to turn professional at the end of the year. Anyway today we started to goose chase which isn’t something I’m into really, I usually take the piss out of few of the boys at home that drive around all day looking for shit waves which are usually crowded or if not below average, but we managed to find some shelter at this spot, no ideas what it’s called but no one was there and it was pumping.

So no word of a lie this is my first real wave in over 6 months since my knee operation and was my only one of the day, ok I did have a couple of sessions at a little onshore beachie yesterday just to see how the old knee felt but you could hardly call it surfing, just like flapping and stomping maybe? I did cheat a little as I got my big ginger mate to jet assist me but the idea was to get a feel for it for tomorrow, as that’s hopefully when we’ll get some cooking waves. So this is a shot of my first and only wave so far with a new knee, Thanks to Andy the knee surgeon from London, I’ll see you in November for my final appointment and also thanks to James my physio in Barnstaple who had to deal with me winging at him every week for 45 minutes. Oh and of course Al the big ginger fecker for the Jet Ski assist, I love you mate x

Very, very loose facts.

2010-09-22T20:44:00.001+01:00

Oh the rain and cold how I’ve missed you. So I’m over in the emerald isle for a couple weeks trying to get back in the swing of things, and as luck would have it there’s a pretty exciting chart on the cards. I can hardly contain myself and don’t really know whether I’m coming or going or should laugh or cry but I have quickly decided to write down some very very loose facts about Ireland which may or may not interest you. When I say facts I don’t really mean actual facts although I’m sure some of them are facts but others might actually

not be 100% factual, if that makes any sense.

Michael Jackson briefly lived in Ireland and it was said it helped to inspire him write music.
Unless you’re bald you have to wear a swimming cap in the public swimming baths.
Ginger is a very popular hair colour.
There’s more class wave set ups per mile of coast than you can shake a stick at.
My favourite band Westlife comes from Ireland, as do the Corrs.
Guinness tastes better here, or that’s what I tell myself when I’m over here.
93% of Ireland is covered in grass.
37% of rocks in Ireland are the same size now as they where 200 years ago.
82% of Americans claim to have Irish ancestry.
In Northern Ireland they use Pounds, in Eire they use Euros.
Some people say the Irish are lucky.

Arther Guinness invented Guinness; apparently the hops are from the same plant as hashish. No wonder they’re so chilled out.
Irish girls have pure white skin and big fresh tits……………apparently.
There’s some legit big wave set ups here and even though some spots like Mullaghmore have been surfed for years they’ve only recently been getting international exposure.
Irelands the only place in the world where you can find four leaf clovers and see leprechauns walking down the street.

Pricks in suits

2010-09-18T16:33:00.001+01:00

Summers over and the majority of the surf dudes have gone home but there’s still a few about. Now I’m not usually one to repeat myself, well that is unless I’ve had a couple of ales and am in full social swing but I just had to post these photos up. Yes its wetsuit shopping all over again with both cases being in Braunton which is a good old car journey from the sea.
Case1: God knows how this blokes got a girlfriend, but he must be doing something right as he’s thinking about taking his lucky lady for a slap up meal at The Riverside restaurant in the centre of braunton, the only trouble being he forgot to take his wetsuit off after his epic session at Croyde earlier but it doesn’t seem to bother her.
Case2: What’s more ridiculous than guys who wear boardies over their wetsuits? Guys who wear boardies over their wetsuits and go shopping in Tesco’s! Yep Tesco Braunton seems to be a hot spot for these wetsuit shopping freaks for some reason. I’m still confused to what these surf dudes are actually thinking, are they going or coming back from the sea and where's their clothes? But where ever this guys going he looks freaking cool and I wish I knew him so we could hang out and go shopping in our wetsuits together, with boardies over the top of course.
Thanks Mike Copping and Horley for the shots, good skills guys.

Happiness is..........

2010-09-13T00:23:00.001+01:00

A couple people didn’t like my last post about the shitty toilet in Newquay but Look how happy I am.

Ok so the reason for the unusual amount of happiness has nothing to do with Newquay but check the sheer joy and excitement on my little face. There are sort of a few reasons for this, I finally feel after some months I’m back in the game surfing wise, which could mean a slightly different approach to my blogging so it will hopefully include some surfing and not just random dribble, all I have to do now is just dust off the cobwebs so to speak. So what better way to celebrate by going and surfing the Severn bore in the pitch black over the weekend. I’m not gunna lie, although it was amazing and slightly different wave riding fun, hanging round in a field for 48 hours to only have the opportunity of catching 4 waves at specific times of the day and night can be slightly tedious if not testing but it was worth it.

There was a small scenario with some guy who kept letting off flares whilst trying to surf the river which was the talk amongst the rest of the fellow bore riders and no one quite knew who he was, although they all thought the guy was a prick as he surfed down the river looked into his flair that he’d just let off, blinded himself then surfed into a tree. ‘Could have killed himself’ was the chat and then ‘anyone know who it was?’ I just pleaded innocent and totally agreed with everyone ‘yep what a complete tool’ ‘what on earth was he thinking?’ the fact that phantom flare surfer did it the next night but with slightly more success took the piss. It did look quite impressive while the flair was going off but I still couldn’t quite make out who it was with the shadows, then the second it went out it took about 30 seconds for everyone’s eyes to adjust back to the darkness causing everyone to go blind and half of the surfers to fall. I was lucky though as I had a couple of pretty long rides. Some guy even shouted at me ‘stop hogging the river’ which I didn’t quite understand but I guess it’s the sort of lingo I’ll have to brush up on if I do it again.

Shit you not.

2010-09-10T18:24:00.001+01:00

You’re probably thinking why the hell have you got a photo of a shitty toilet on here or maybe I’ve developed some sort of weird shit fetish but I kid you not this is real life shituation I witnessed in the cold light of day, It was almost like I walked into that scene from Trainspotting, as I gagged and dry wretched, eyes watering I somehow felt the need to take a photo, a strange thing to do granted but I just needed photographic evidence as no one would ever really believe me.
The mind just boggles as to what actually happened here as this scene of mass destruction was in a once grand hotel in Newquay but which is now like most once grand hotels there a hostel, even though it looks like Beirut from the outside and obviously has a few slight issues with cleanliness and the general up keep the place gets packed every weekend full of stag and hen party’s frothing on the Newquay night life. Although the guy who was running it did say there were a couple of people who did actually live there as it was pretty cheap accommodation. Most of the people who stay here probably leave after their weekend of debauchery with one of those red hoodys that say ‘Newquay Life Guard’ on the back which makes me shudder every time I see one. Oh the joys of the stereotypical British sea side, I just love it.
So if you haven’t guessed I’ve been enjoying the delights of Newquay this week with Dan from AG and before you jump to conclusions, no we didn’t stay in the hostel although we did spend some time in it for various reasons and the experience as a whole was pretty eye opening and interesting.

Feeling Invinci-ball

2010-09-03T07:17:00.002+01:00

I just got my SAS Invinci-Ball tickets in the post, not gunna lie I am a little excited. Myself and A Blake (nice bloke big features generally) are going so it should be a action packed weekend with hopefully not to many cringe worthy scenarios but you just never know as he can be a bit of a loose cannon at times, well a lot of the time to be completely honest and I’m pretty easily led, some may say.
I just hope it goes better than the last time I went way back in 2004, which only saw me at the ball for approximately 30 minutes, got a little over excited you see and when that happens the outcomes can go either way. It was an odd one though from the start, as to how I even got hold of the dam tickets in the first place. A week before the ball I just so happened to be wrestling at a house party in Croyde, it was one of those wrestles which almost got out of control, like they start off all playful but quickly get a bit serious. The problem was it wasn’t one of my mates this tom foolery was happening with; it was a grown woman that I barely knew. The next day I was already giving myself guilty death threats when the phone rang and it was Nick from Redwood surf shop, he seemed to be reviling in his own sobriety from the previous night which is enough to tip anyone over the edge but when he dropped the bombshell that my said wrestling partner had dropped an envelope in for me my heart sank, what the hell could it be? Thoughts of the worst case possible outcome obviously go through your brain and that situation arises where you need to know what’s in that envelope before you can do or think about anything else.
Just so happened that in the envelope was a pair of VIP tickets for the SAS ball with a little note about what a good wrestler I was! Bonus. I thought I was gunna get sued or possibly a restraining order but instead I get given a pair of VIP SAS ball tickets, I couldn’t quite work it out but suddenly life felt good again and Nicks sobriety not so much fun after all!
As I said my VIP ball experience was short lived and went a little like this; I’d given the 2^nd ticket to life companion, housemate and interesting drunk Horley, neither of us knew what to expect and got there a little early, actually really early so the first 20 minutes were spent doing dance floor skids, like the really goods one you used to do at discos when you were at primary school, everyone just stood round the edges not really knowing what to do until someone steps up and breaks the ice by doing a running dance floor knee skid, well that was how we spent the first 20 minutes minus anyone really watching, just a few comments like ‘twats’ and ‘grow up your not in primary school anymore you dicks’. After that the next 5 minutes we spent hunting out the VIP area where the idea was to harass strangers. VIP areas are great for this because everyone’s so bloody cool and these people make perfect targets. Our plan was floored though as the VIP area was pretty much empty, everyone knows cool people are always late. So this moves me on to my final 5 minutes and I have to say this possibly wasn’t the finest 5 minutes of my life.
Some band had started playing and now there are a few more people milling around, I stood at the back of the marquee drinking a beer when something in my brain just clicked and I took off into an auto pilot situation, running across the dance floor, side stepping a couple of people and diving over the barrier in front of the stage, I didn’t want to get on stage or anything, or although no doubt If given half a chance. But I think I’d just seen that sort of thing on TV when watching these festivals with the big crowds and bands playing, crowd surfing, people fainting and getting pulled over the barriers to safety etc I wanted to do that and somehow saw this as my only opportunity in life that I would ever get. Looking back I don’t think it’s that kind of place. The bouncer just grabbed me and asked me to come with him; he quickly cut my VIP wrist band off then bundled me out the Marquee. I spent the rest of the night in the car park thinking thank fuck I didn’t have to pay for that ticket but I’m pretty sure Horley enjoyed himself.

Malloy me not

2010-09-02T17:30:00.003+01:00

What on earth was I thinking when I left the house this morning to go for a surf, maybe along the lines I thought I’d actually woken up somehow as a Malloy brother or I was a distant relation to Rasta or Donavon. But it wasn’t till I set my sights on the waves, that the realisation I had only put a wooden belly board in my van to surf with and I was still Me hit hard. It took the old surf craft selection scenario to the another level, as I’m sure any surfer has had that dilemma of what board to ride no matter how big or small their quiver and what the surf conditions.
I’m no stranger to the wooden belly board, as in fact I was ranked No2 in the world back in 2004 and it was a close call between myself and first place who also just happened to be my good mate Skelly, the thing was he loves surfing weird or slightly odd surf craft all the time but for me the reality is when the surfs good I could think of better ways to be ridding waves, like the good old trusty short board, that’s why they call it progression, isn’t it?
Skelly and Myself (Worlds No1 and 2 Wooden Belly Boarders 2004) often travelled together in the past yet every time we plan a trip he’d always do the same thing. My golden rule is never go on a surf trip without a bog standard short board, it’s your bread and butter board and always gets the most use, but skellys odd outlook or maybe ‘broader perspective’ on surfing is somewhat different yet he never seems to learn. Two examples of this; On a 3 month trip to West Aus when packing he decided, out of the 5 boards he was going to take none of them were going to be a standard short board. I warned him he’d regret it and after 3 weeks of surfing super fun 3-4ft waves on a 6’8 semi gun he crumbled and begged to borrow mine ‘Please Cotton, just one surf’ ‘you could ride your 6’3, you haven’t ridden that much’ he said. ‘Not a chance, I told you’ was my reply although I do seem to remember caving in on a couple of occasions and letting him have a bash.
So as most people learn from their mistakes I went to Scotland with him a couple years ago. His quiver choice was an impressive array of surf craft with consisted of a blow up surf matt, wooden belly board, 6’10, 90’s Maurice Cole piny which had mental channels in, A twinny that looked like it had been found in a garage 30 years ago and probably should of been left there and a 6’8” gulfstream pin tail which was only slightly normal board he had. He was stoked with his selection and on the 14 hours drive up there explained in every detail imaginable what conditions he’d surf every board and why he’s brought it along. Three days into the trip the 14 hours Scottish board selection justification and lecture had been long forgotten, as I waxed up my short board and he was starring at either the blow up matt or the twinny that looked like it had been found in a garage 30 years ago and probably should of been left there. ‘I do like all my boards but I’d have to admit something more normal to surf does seem quite appealing right now.’

Job Title

2010-08-28T13:18:00.002+01:00

‘Cool hair mate’ is what people generally say, well apart from that woman the other week who said I looked ‘gay’ but I only spoke to her for 30 seconds and she said a couple of things which made me think she was slightly socially inapt, so I suppose she doesn’t even count.
The other thing which I’ve noticed people say is ‘So what do you do now?’ This always puts me in an awkward position as I never really know how to answer them. I could answer them in a number of replies, ‘I get by’ ‘lifeguard’ ‘shop worker’ ‘unemployed’ ‘plumber’ ‘pro surfer’ or ‘Labrador breeder’ but I don’t as I know People really only ever ask this if (a) there really stuck for conversation (b) being nosey or (c) they want to follow up by telling you how fucking brilliant there life is.
As soon as I get asked this question I instantly panic and usually answer by saying ‘um not much really’ then this opens up the follow up question ‘Oh what do you do now then?’ which is what they really wanted to tell me in the first place. So they can launch into their life, how great they are and how well their doing. Don’t get me wrong here I like to hear how well people are doing in life; it’s just the labelling thing or job description that gets my goat. I couldn’t care less what you call or label yourself, it’s just a title which usually is made up, or blown out of proportions anyway. It honestly doesn’t bother me whether you’re title or job description in life is a Bin Collector or the Richest Man in Britain, I try and take people at face value but some people have massive hang ups on this shit.
A few months ago I found out all this out in a real life situation when I jested by calling this guy a ‘Painter and Decorator’ the fact was I couldn’t give a shit what he did or does as it just doesn’t matter, it was just instant a reply to ridiculous email that this ‘Person’ sent me in the first place.

"Your reply to that e-mail was full of personal malice directed at belittling me and all other painters and decorators! You wrote from a seemingly aloof perspective, when in fact as a plumber your remarks say more about yourself."

Was his reply, then he launched into a rant about how rich he was and what he actually did, putting digets on his wealth and estate that he owns which I won’t quote as its just embarrassing yet at the same time very, very funny. To think that anyone would actually put that on paper in a reply to just a simple joke about a job which they don’t even do! Humans are just so strange sometimes.
Analog and Gravis just sent me some new business cards, check out my job title.

Emotional times

2010-08-25T00:14:00.003+01:00

I’m an emotional little fella, you probably wouldn’t know really as it’s something that I try and keep hidden and a side I only let a few close people see. Its freaking odd the things that make me emotional though, one of which is when I watch films, I think this is why I don’t really watch many anymore, its happened in the past where when watching a film I pretty much have to switch off and ignore the plot just in case I get to involved and the water works start. My usual film watching time now is where I have no real choice on a flight and it can get quite embarrassing. Before I know it and failing to do that switch off thing my brain sort of gets emotionally attached to the characters, then for no reason the smallest scenario within the film will set me off and I just lose it and break down in tears, sometimes I just can’t stop myself. Other things that set me off are some real life documentary’s which I think most will admit can be pretty gut wrenching at times and randomly enough Deal or no deal. Yep you heard it right, I get so into that game show so much it’s actually bought me to tears, almost like I feel and pain and joy of the contestants and feel what they’re going through as I sit there sipping my tea from the comfort of my living room. I got so into this show I ended up applying, after one of the longest and most annoying application forms I’d ever taken the time to fill out, which for me is an achievement in itself I didn’t hear anything back for months. It got to the point where I pretty much forgot all about it then out of the blue I had a phone call, I got interviewed over the phone then asked to attend another audition in Bristol which if I was successful would see me hanging out with Noel in Bristol for 2 weeks while filming the shows and a pop at winning £250.000. I was so stoked and couldn’t quite believe my luck. ‘Should probably take the time to fill out more application forms more often’ I thought ‘probably starting with some job ones!’
Anyway, went to the audition and had a shocker. It involved sitting in a big semi circle with 30 other grown adults and playing a mock version of the game, no real emotion was involved no matter how the rest of the applicants tried to fake it as they over enthusiastically played and I just felt like a complete plumb as everyone else got into the pointless and embarrassing game. I didn’t break down or cry during this I felt like a bit of a twat and was sort of gutted I was wasting my time. I didn’t pass this audition which was no surprise but it did make me feel slightly more normal oddly enough.
All this as usual has nothing to do with the vid at the beginning of the post. But just take the time to watch it, don’t just watch it once take the time to watch and listen to it 2 or 3 times. It gets me going and hits hard for some reason, not just the places it’s filmed which feel quite familiar to me it’s the words that are spoken and the sincerity from Mickey. Truly amazing and emotional stuff.

you look..........

2010-08-18T09:45:00.000+01:00

It’s amazing what a new hair cut, skinny jeans, baggy v neck T and some deck shoes can do. I went through a stage where I cut my own hair, just in front of the mirror with the kitchen scissors. The first few times went well and to be honest I don’t think anyone could tell but as time went on and at about the 18 month, 2 year mark my hair got so far away from an actual style I started to look a little bit ridiculous and people didn’t want to be seen in public with me, especially my ex girlfriend and it was her who persuaded me to go to a professional high street hairdresser and get a real hairstyle. It cost me freaking £25 which I couldn’t quite believe and had to ask twice, I quickly worked out that in the 2 years of my DIY haircuts I’d saved myself well over £150 which I was quite happy about it and eased the pain of the £25 mugging I’d just had while sitting still for 20 minutes being asked loads of annoying personal questions which I didn’t want or feel the need to answer.
So the last 3 or so weeks I’ve been on a bit of a tour, this has involved a lot trying to get some colour on the ginger skin, a bit of training mixed with some late nights and generally having a blast. I’ve managed to increase my alcohol tolerance levels to 5 pints, at which point I start going blind in one eye, getting a nervous involuntary twitch and speaking in tongues, it’s quite impressive for me but hopefully that will lower again as it is getting quite expensive. The thing is when I cut my own hair no one ever commented on it, but over the last few weeks and my late nights out I’ve had some random comments which has had me slightly concerned. The first was in Santander, I was quietly ripping up the dance floor when this complete stranger came up to me and shouts ‘David Guetta’ in my face, obviously I was like what the fuck. Then in really broken English ‘you look like David Guetta’ then just turned around and walked off. The second was, I saw these 2 girls getting out a taxi one night and the only reason it caught my eye was one of them had a skirt on which could of been worn as a belt, as she walked towards me she looked me right in the eye and laughed pointing ‘ha look, it’s that guy off pineapple dance studio.’ The next one was when I was chatting to a friend when some really horrible drunk girl decided to butt in, she was so drunk her face was all distorted and she looked like one of those girls you see on the programmes about booze Britain and how shit we all are at binge drinking ‘it’s JJ off big brother’ but she didn’t just say it once and fuck off she just kept saying it like she was stuck on repeat. The final one was in the cold light of day and actually left me a little speechless. When chatting at a trade show last week, this woman says to me ‘I know I don’t know you and we’ve never met before, but you look so gay’.
It’s all given me a bit of a complex really; think I might start cutting my own hair again.

Chinese whispers

2010-08-13T09:36:00.000+01:00

This is Dave, he’s alright really no matter what any photo says about him, although after what I’ve heard about what the fecker has been up to in the last few years you might have a different opinion.
We go way back you see, as like any small village and community everyone knows everyone, their girlfriends, ex girlfriends, where they’ve lived, who with and what went down in each seedy dwelling over the summer months and winter suicide watch, how often they go down the pub, who they talk to and what about when their down there, actually hang on this sounds a bit like facebook! Anyway, me and Dave have known each other for some time; we even worked together many moons ago in at gulfstream surfboards. Eventually Dave managed to leave the bubble for pastures greener, yet I didn’t see or hear from him for some time the old stories always filtered back, slightly exaggerated or misinterpreted but they still came back. That’s why when I got told he’d bought a ski lodge in the Swiss alps I was thinking ‘yeah right that old chest nut’ then 6 months later I also hear he’s bought or partially bought a surf camp in the Mentawai’s. I was thinking it’s all been taking too far this time, these Chinese whispers just can’t be correct and have to stop just for Dave’s sake if no one else’s. Its gunna be more like he was cleaning for some lodge in the Swiss alps then cooking in some shitty surf camp in the Mentawai’s - living the dream briefly for a couple of years before he has to come back home to sunny Devon where nothing’s changed apart from the price of a pint in Billy buds.
Oh how I was wrong, I heard it all from the horse’s mouth just today, so maybe the photo is right! Check out Dave’s endless fun time sun time and mutter ‘cunt’ under your breath!

http://www.mentawai-surfcamp.com/

http://www.snowmotions.com/

Szczepan comes to Croyde for the first AG coffee morning.

2010-08-08T20:43:00.000+01:00

This is Szczepan, he’s from Poland and has been travelling round the UK for a year and 7 months, nice bloke and I’m guessing that when he said travelling he means sleeping rough and boozing shit loads as he doesn’t look like he’s been working much over the past year and when I met him at 7am on Saturday morning he was surrounded by empty cider bottles, although I could be wrong about the work comment as I didn’t actually ask him that. He speaks perfect English and couldn’t really understand what the hell I was doing down the beach on a rainy, windy Saturday morning so early, armed with piping hot coffee and fresh donuts which I’d just picked up from the bakers in Barnstaple, but he was pretty stoked to see me.
Just started doing these Analog coffee mornings you see, the idea is to just rock up down the beach put up a gazebo and just give out free coffee and donuts to whoever passes by and have a little chin wag and hang out. Unfortunately on Saturday the weather was horrific with wind and rain and Szczepan was the only bloke down there for the first 30 mins but it did pick up and by 8am the word had spread and everyone was digging the free refreshments courtesy of AG. Luckily for me I persuaded my mate A Blake to come down and help so I wasn’t too suicidal when I was struggling with the gazebo in the rain, nice bloke, big features generally.
I’m hoping Szczepan will be down there when we do the next one as we got on so well, I said I'd let him know so he can make another appearance but he's a pretty hard guy to keep in contact with as he's not on facebook yet.

life swap

2010-08-06T17:16:00.001+01:00

I couldn’t think of anything more de motivating than having to surf a comp in 1-2ft, yet spirits where high and the whole Devon team bonded well and worked as a unit which got results in all areas, fair play actually as most of them were punching well above their weight in the age groups they had been entered in.
Apart from the surfing what impressed me most was the other afternoon I was walking back from the shop I passed a group of girls, I looked down at my feet as I passed because these sort of groups of girls can be somewhat intimidating for a grown man like myself but out of the corner of my eye I noticed one of them wearing a Devon team hoody. What the fuck, I thought one of the little shits must have lost it or left it behind somewhere already and the girls must have found it. I got back to the beach and everyone was hanging by the gazebo ‘ok, who has lost a hoody’ I said, everyone was silent and no one came forward ‘well I’ve just seen a group of chicks and one of them was wearing a Devon team hoody’ ‘ah’ one of them pipes up ‘well that was mine you see’ ‘we met those chicks after lunch last night while waiting for the bus, we invited them down the beach to check us out in the comp today.’ ‘When they left I swapped my hoody for a bracelet and a kiss.’
I’ve heard it all now I thought, I didn’t say anything but I was pretty impressed, I’d been out 3 times and not even spoke to anyone slightly female, in fact I spent most of my time speaking to Greg Robinson about Devon surf spots, long boarding and why some people are so annoying let alone get a chance to invite some hot chicks down the beach to check out my rig and watch me surf, then swap my hoody for a kiss. I really need to step things up.

Tits

2010-08-01T23:07:00.001+01:00

It’s been testing but I’m bearing up under the strain, pressure and responsibility, there was a small scenario with losing my phone and a gazebo but you’ll all be glad to hear I haven’t lost anything or anyone else and i did recover the gazebo but unfortunately i still have no phone.
Actually I’m loving it as the last few days have been an amazing roller coaster ride of highs and lows and a whole heap of laughs. It just cracks me up some of the things the groms have come out with and how they see things. The first day one of the little fellas came out with some priceless quotes, he looked so excited sitting there on the beach with the biggest grin on his face which had me a little worried as he couldn’t of been stoked about the surf as it was shit ‘what you up to?’ I nervously asked ‘this is so good’ he excitedly replied ‘I’ve never been to a beach where the girls get their tits out before’ ‘they don’t do it at Croyde’. Needless to say they were all well behaved that day as they sat there taking it all in, we had a few surfs ran about a lot then headed back to the accommodation at last light. But he did say an absolute clinker on the coach home which had me crying with laughter. With a straight face and deadly serious ‘I’ve seen about 50 pairs of tits today’ there was a bit of silence and before I even had a chance to reply ‘that’s 100 nipples’ he then said with the biggest grin i've ever seen.

who steals used flip flops?

2010-07-29T16:02:00.002+01:00

You should see their little faces; I think I’ve found my vocation in life as some sort of motivational speaker and team leader.
Any way enough of them check out my new Gravis flip flops which I got just in time for my adult/guardian/mentor role in Spain. I finally received them after about 3 months and about 30 emails. Just for your information there’s about 6 pairs of these flops somewhere in Europe in little parcels all with my name and address on missing, or that’s what Charlie from gravis has had me believe, I have no reason not too as he’s a pretty straight up kind of guy. It’s no surprise really as I said to him the other day ‘me and flip flops are jinxed’ I just can’t seem to keep a pair for more than a couple of weeks, which really fecks me off as it always takes at least a week to break any worthy flip flop in and make them feel like they’ve really become a part of you. Who the fuck steals flip flops anyway?
I’ll give you a example of this so if you can’t be arsed to read on I’ll understand as this could be a pretty boring post but then again some people might be genuinely interested in my flip flop tails of wow and a insight to the kind of person who actually steals a pair of second hand flip flops.
This pair was my first pair which I’d managed to keep hold of for a record amount of weeks and I believe was my best pair to date. I wasn’t oblivious though as I knew people had their eyes on them, the odd comment here and there like ‘nice flops cott they look super comfy’ then out the corner of my eye I would see them quietly trying them on for size.
Whilst in Hawaii last year my little African friend Mikey said these sorts of things a lot and I knew I could never trust him, I’d been warned about saffa’s in the past and also experienced them first hand, Devon’s full of them! but I’m not one to stereotype and would give anyone the benefit of the doubt and to be fair we were getting along nicely and formed a good little partnership in the surf and on the social side too, pushing ourselves above and beyond on more than a few occasions.
Lesson learned right there as one morning I woke up to find my flip flops missing, foggy headed I searched franticly, re traced my tracks and even missed my morning surf due to my concerns. How could I surf? All I could think about was my flops. I went a step further and started asking complete strangers if they’d seen them and filled out a ‘MISSING’ advert and posted it in Foodland, but all this was to no avail, Vanished into thin air suspiciously along with my friend Mikey too.
3 months later I get a call from my old boss at the RNLI saying they had a package for me which had just turned up addressed very oddly; Att: Andrew Cotton, RNLI lifeguard, Croyde beach, Croyde, Devon.
I couldn’t even believe that this had ever reached me and to my surprise when I opened the package it was my flip flops. Barely recognisable, pretty much worn through and with the right one carrying a broken thong, my heart sank and a tear came to my eye, at least they found their way home and I could lay them to rest.
Turned out Mikey did have a conscience, although he returned them used, abused and unusable he did return them.
If anyone comes across the other 6 pairs that i never received from gravis but were addressed correctly please let me know. Wonder how long these bad boys will last?

Responsible adult

2010-07-25T21:52:00.000+01:00

photo: Richard Hallman

It’s funny the initial reaction you get when you say something to someone that there not quite expecting. Over the past few weeks it’s this reaction that has got me a little paranoid, almost like I feel I’m being judged or labelled. At times I may be a bit of a loose cannon but this is just me trying to vent my frustrations on life or thats my excuse, and this highly addictive personality situation I’ve got never helps things either, but the real fact is I’m a trust worthy, reliable and responsible bloke most of the time. I’ve looked after and been responsible for friends businesses, houses, cats and dogs with no major hiccups in the past and I’m even allowed take my 2 year old nephew Freddie swimming on occasions and he bloody loves it.
So why when I mention to anyone that I’m off to Spain next week as I’m going with the Devon team as an adult/guardian and mentor, I get this nervous laugh back usually followed by something like ‘what?’ or ‘Really?’ I just don’t get it. Surely they meant to say ‘what a bloody nice bloke you are Cotton, giving up your time and energy for free just for the benefit of the Devon youth. I hope they realise how privileged and lucky they are to have the opportunity of spending the week with a top athlete such as yourself’ or something along those lines or words to that effect.
Oh, the photo above has nothing what so ever to do with this, it’s just I wanted to post a picture of myself surfing a big fecking wave, so I did. This is me at Nelscott reef in the states. Big wave, bad line and I got ruined. But how good’s this blog thing? No rules here, makes me feel like there’s less barriers in life and eases the day to day frustrations I’m constantly faced with.
Fingers crossed with the responsibility of Spain and I’ll let you know how it all unfolds.

Ad sense and fake tan

2010-07-23T23:31:00.000+01:00

So this is the new Euro Analog advert starring yours truly, there’s something about featuring in an advert which is better than just having a photo in a mag and I’m all stoked out about it to be honest. When I was in my early twenties all I wanted was to get a shot in a surf mag and this felt like it was pretty unlikely to ever happen, let alone have a company use me for their advertising and actually be surfing not just standing there like a unemployed plumber trying to look freaking hot, sexy and intelligent all at the same time which can be quite hard work sometimes. My old legs do look abnormally white though which I’m not too happy about, they could of least spent some time on it and used a bit of Photoshop to make me look a little less ill, British and white. Don’t like the sun much you see and not really into that lying/sunbathing thing that so many people seem to do. Might head down to boots in the high street to get a load of that fake tan stuff and really get me tan on, I think I need it.

Piece of piss

2010-07-23T12:57:00.001+01:00

I wrote a little piece about tow surfing in the new WL and they run a little shot of me in there too. The shot was taken at Aileens last November by Pete Fleming although I see in the mag they’ve credited Arron Pierce which is unfortunate for Pete but a bonus for Arron, I’m pretty sure Pete took it as Arron’s more a cliff or boat guy and I know there was definitely no boats out there on this day. There was a few ski’s out there though but only a few of us got some waves, I shoulder hopped a couple as to be fair I was shitting it. It wasn’t the fact that it was big just the fact the Aileens is a scary place at size and to be honest aint that much of a big wave spot. It breaks wide and shuts down where as when its smaller it focuses on the inside ledge and turns into a perfect barrel, if you fall when its big here your having a serious nightmare as the rip takes you back into the wave and into the cliff, it just frightens me to think of the consequences of being stuck at the bottom of that cliff and no one being able to get you.
Any way this was my intro to tow surfing and to read the rest you’ll have to check out the mag......

Tow surfing is a piece of piss, just fork out 10 grand on a jet ski or if your clever get some clueless marketing guy from a big company to buy you one, find some stupidly shallow and dangerous slabs or wait for a massive swell and boom you’re a famous pro surfer living off lucrative sponsorship deals, thrown into the surfing hall of fame never actually even having to paddle into wave.

Our lives there hands

2010-07-18T22:30:00.001+01:00

Now don’t get me wrong, I know how important security is and I understand the problems we're facing, what with terrorism and airports and all but sometimes I just don't get people who work at these security check points. What sort of courses do they put them on and is there actually an exam at the end whereby some means they can pass or fail? Because at the end of the day these people are responsible for our safety in the air and are there to stop some mentalist from blowing up a plane or some other crazy shit they might have come up with or feel the need to inflict on others.
So this is a little real life scenario I had last winter when travelling to a big wave contest in Oregon. My bag got taken to one side after going through the scanner along with my shoes and other personal belongings. The security guy does the usual questions 'Is this your bag' 'did you pack it yourself' and then asks me to come to another desk. He ends up emptying my bag and putting all my things back through the scanner.
When I travel to go tow surfing I take dive weights which I attach to my board depending on conditions, size of swell and the weight I want my board. I carry them in my hand luggage as I have a few different weights and all combined there fair heavy and its less excess luggage. These weights seemed be causing some sort of situation amongst the security team in Chicago international airport. I piped up and politely said 'they're dive weights if you're wondering what they are' the man rudely shouted back 'I know what they are'. Then while I'm standing there watching, waiting, I see one of them mimicking hitting his colleagues over the head with one of the said weights which he held in his hand.
After a couple more minutes of what looked like some sort of basketball team talk around my belongings the guy came back to me. 'These here dive weights could be used as an extreme weapon if you chose to.' He once again picked up the weight and mimicked hitting someone over the head with it. 'Oh' is all I said. 'Well, I don't plan to use it in that way.' There was a bit of a silence and I could see in his eyes he was thinking hard of what to say next. 'Well that's good then cause you could do some real damage with these if you used them as a weapon'.
So after telling me how dangerous my dive weights could be to myself and others around me I was preparing for the worst, waiting for the words 'I'm going to have to take these off you'. I took some deep breaths and used my Chinese self-calming techniques I learnt from being in these sort of life situations before, But just as I was about as calm as I could be possible be he simply bypassed this completely and told me I could re-pack my bag and carry onto my boarding gate. You what? After all that. Has the world gone mad? He just told me how dangerous this weight could be as a weapon. Showed me how to use it and then packed me off on my way to board my next plane! Just in case you wondered I didn’t use the weights as a weapon but I did attach them to my board when I got to Lincoln City.

Model behaviour and single

2010-07-12T14:06:00.001+01:00

Check me out, ‘hot freaking shit’ you’re probably thinking. Yep been doing a bit of modelling work, one job in particular is for this high end fashion brand called Griffin, to think my ex girlfriend dumped me. To be fair, possible factors among others for this were that she thought I was a liability with the booze; her mates hated me and she was fed up with me having no money yet managing to be away whenever and where ever the surf was good. But look at me now, I’m a freaking model.
Strange and this might not be a best way to put this, but I did actually put a whole heap of love and effort into that relationship. Notably more than others in the past which even had a few of my mates getting a little worried at the fact they might lose me, as I blindly hoped, skipped and jumped down the path towards eternal bliss, marriage and kids. Nah never happened, I had my heart ripped out my chest and kicked around the cold concrete floor, before I even got the chance to get half of the way down that stupid path.
So where am I going so terribly wrong? On paper I’m not that bad, am I?
Skilled and qualified tradesman who can plumb a house or install solar panels and a full heating system, whatever takes your fancy. This also makes me generally pretty nifty around the house and with DIY situations which has got to be a positive in anyone’s books.
Surfboard shaper, glasser and sander, ok this was some time ago but these sorts of skills stay with you for life I have you know and you never know when they might come in handy.
Professional Surfer and all round nice bloody bloke, I admit this isn’t bringing in millions of pounds but it’s a passion and you only have to read through a couple of my blogs to see how happy this makes me!
And now as like iceing on this already delicious Andrew Cotton cake I’ve made it into the cut throat world of freaking modelling, well for a couple of days anyway.
Who wants to go down the boozer and celebrate, but you’ll have to pay as I’m skint and not got a penny on me, then when I get home I’ll book a flight to Ireland, last minute of course as there’s a sneaky little chart on the cards which has fun, fun, fun written all over it........ Any nice, single girls fancy a date?

Loving life

2010-07-05T23:11:00.003+01:00

So what’s this all about? Someone very funny wrote this on the back of my hire car on a trip I did last winter. Don’t worry it actually wasn’t a suicide wagon, I don’t tend to travel with a garden hose as it’s just another thing to add the excess baggage, with all my boards and other shit I usually drag round with me. Plus you could probably pick one up anywhere from a decent DIY or garden centre if you really had the impulse or felt the need.
The thing is I’m not actually that miserable and negative all the time, in fact I see myself as pretty easy going and a kind of ‘The cups half full’ kind of guy, which may be hard to believe as I have just read through some of my previous blogs I’ve written and I’d say a good 85% of them are pretty dark and a bit of a rant.
It’s just that I’m not always outwardly happy and all smiles and if I don’t know people that well I tend to be a little shy and keep myself to myself (unless I’ve had more than 2 pints) and I hate making pointless small talk when sometimes there’s just no need.
If I remember rightly I actually really enjoyed this trip, it was an odd one as the crew was pretty big which is usually something I would avoid and although the surf wasn’t epic I had fun waves and surfed my face off for a solid 7 days. The thing was though because I wasn’t out celebrating or being all stoked every day and night, everyone thought I was miserable and hating life. It was even said I was projecting my mood with anyone who was unlucky enough ride with me to wherever we were surfing that day. You could tell it was that ‘shot gun not riding with Cotty’ scenario going on as everyone knew they’d enter the car happy and if like magic came out at the final destination miserable and possibly suicidal.
Personally I honestly don’t think it was me, that dam car must have been jinxed or something along those lines because i was loving life.

Never trust people with big hands

2010-06-28T22:15:00.001+01:00

My Great Granny once told me ‘Hard work pays off in the future, Laziness pays off now’ and after all these years I think I know what she meant. She also once said ‘Never trust people with big hands’ but that’s got nothing to do with what I’m gunna write in this blog but if you like the sound of the first saying read on.
So the New Wavelength surf magazine has hit the shelves and yet again I have a feature in it from a trip to Portugal. ‘How the hell can you have another feature in a surf mag yet you haven’t surfed in 3 months’ I hear you say, well I went nuts last winter and although I was injured a lot (knee scenario, pelvis situation and shoulder nightmare) whenever I wasn’t and where ever the swell was on, I was chasing it. Trying desperately to make the best of it and bag that gold I’m so aimlessly and pointlessly searching for just to give me that tiny bit of happiness I so wish to have in my life.
I made a couple of hoax calls which can happen from time to time in surfing and also experienced a couple of faux pas which kind of got me down and it felt like I was being followed round by a massive grey rain cloud just above my head while everyone else was in glorious sunshine and wave selection bliss. But like Great Gran said ‘hard work pays off in the future’ and thankfully she was right. So check out the new WL and read how happy I was on the Portugal trip.
Photo Selway/wavelength

Roooooooooooooooney

2010-06-21T21:29:00.001+01:00

‘Rooooooooooooooney, Roooooooooooney’, I just love it when grown men chant footballers names, cracks me up. Personally I’m not much of a football fan; in fact I have no interest in it what so ever. Stopped playing when I was in the 3^rd year at school, during a lunchtime kick around some little shit just came up to me and did a full on running boot into my left shin. ‘What the fuck was that for? You weren’t even going for the ball’ I shouted at him while rolling around on the floor in absolute agony. ‘Yeah I know but I just really wanted to kick someone’ was his reply and from this second I never set foot on a football pitch again and my interest in the game just dissipated into nothing.
But check the sheer joy and happiness on my face as I watched England play their game on Friday evening. This was slightly enhanced as I managed to win the best seats in the house which just so happened to be a hot tub situated just feet from the big screen. Within seconds of realising I had the winning ticket I was stripped off and in there shouting ‘Roooooooooney’ and ‘Come on England’ with the best of them.
Not sure who won the footy but someone did say to me on Saturday that they thought I’d had a better game than England, wasn’t 100% sure what that was supposed to mean and I sort of wished I’d paid more attention to the football so I could of given him some sort of meaningful informed reply, also I’m not too sure The Blue Groove staff would agree. Agh, full scale scenario of gigantic proportions, but look how happy I look.......’Rooooooooooooooooooooooney’. Can’t wait till the next game, its Thursday innit?