Pissed up bloke outside the pub #2

Folly of Youth from wavedreamer on Vimeo.



Remember the blog about my mate the pissed up bloke outside the pub,  if not you can check it out HERE. Well we would have made a good team the other night as I went off the richter scale and down the other side, it happens from time to time and I just don’t understand why. Now check out his new edit from Wave dreamer above of young Stu from Woolacombe, its pretty dam cool and i'm looking forward to working with him when he comes out to ireland at some point over the winter.
Oh and just in case you’re interested the Night with Andrew Cotton went well. We raised £900 for Charity, well The Museum of British Surfing but like I’ve said before every charity needs help not just the ones on the telly that make it hard for you to live with yourself.

A night with Andrew Cotton

A night with Andrew Cotton, it’s like a dream come true for some and a nightmare for others but at only £5 it’s a bargain either way and worth the money just to watch me make an idiot out of myself when I freeze up and start speaking in tongues when I have to do my live Q & A, which happens whenever I have to speak in front of more than 2 people or anyone I don’t know, and did I mention it’s for charity? Well I have now and that’s always a crowd pleaser or so I’m told although the main focus on the night is all about me, promoting me and making sure everyone realises how fecking brilliant I am but like I say I am doing it for charity too.
So the Idea is to raise a bit of money for the Museum of British Surfing, ok so it’s not saving starving Africans but it’s a good cause all the same and every charity needs help not just the ones on the telly that make it hard for you to live with yourself.
Read the poster and come along, I’m looking forward to it so should you.

North Canyon Tow in Trials

It’s amazing what happens when you win a potty and a massive oversized comedy cheque, take this photo here for example. This is me signing autographs for my Portuguese fans after coming 2^nd in the North Canyon tow in trials in Nazare, normally no one gives a shit about 2^nd place but here I am signing autographs. Didn’t see 1^st place signing anything for that matter but you know, like I’ve said before I’m a pretty big deal down in Portugal right now, even more so since I’ve had a shave and smartened up my appearance up a little.
So now I’ve finally won an oversized cheque it’s my new favourite thing to carry around with me where ever I go, it’s a definite conversation starter as everyone really wants to know why you’re carrying around a massive oversized cheque, what you’ve done to deserve it, how much you’ve won and how freaking brilliant you must be. I was swinging mine around all the way home from Lisbon to Devon and even took it down Tesco’s at the weekend and tried to pay for a 4 pack and some pork scratching with it, unfortunately Tesco’s don’t except oversized comedy cheques as they won’t fit in the tills or that’s what they told me.
The potty’s going to come in pretty handy too, my girlfriends stoked.

£70 to not go to work

I missed 2 appointments with the Vicar the last month due to surf but 3^rd time lucky and I sat through the meeting which was a general gist of I’m going to be charged a whole heap of money to get married and also have to pay an organist 70 quid whether I want him to play or not, which I don’t so to cut to the chase I’m paying some bloke to NOT turn up and make a load of noise on his organ at my wedding, oh and not to forget the deposit. Not that I could as she mentioned it about 30 times like it was most important thing, what was she actually implying by that. Anyway never mind the freaking deposit wish I could get paid not to turn up to work, that sounds like the best job ever.
We had a little break from the swell but now I’m about to move house and it looks like we’re in for a run of all runs of surf, Portugal, Ireland, Portugal, Ireland. Just can’t stop looking at the charts and planning where to go and what to do about this moving house scenario. I missed the last time we moved house due to an unfortunate Analog team trip to Indo for a month which I organised, it was perfect for me but a nightmare for my Wife to be and I’m not quite sure how to approach this one. ’Just popping out to the shops darling’, ‘see you later’ ‘oh and I’ll send a postcard’. X
Oh but she’ll love my tan when I get back, well maybe!

© Polvo/ Jorge Leal and Wilson Ribeiro - 2011

Worlds Deadliest Catch

The SEVEN SKIRTS of NAZARE from wavedreamer on Vimeo.

You might recognise me off the telly, I looked like a Wurzel or one of them fisherman from the World’s Deadliest Catch you know the one that’s crossed eyed and has a speech impediment and very possibly makes love to some of the fish he catches when no one’s watching, I don’t know that I’m just speculating as it’s got to be lonely on those boats and sometimes scary enough to make you think you might not make it back alive. I know what I’d do. I don’t want to keep banging on about this place Nazare as I’m sure it’s all boring you but check out my little clip of a few waves from last year, the old dears wear seven skirts at once in this place as some sort of fishing tradition about counting set waves on their skirts and signalling to their husbands to return to shore, might have those facts wrong so don’t quote me on that. Imagine how long it must take them to get dressed in the morning. Hope you like the clip.

History made

I can tell you one thing about this photo that not many other people could, just a few minutes before this wave was surfed Garrett was doing an aqua poo, in fact as he was laying cable I could see the set approaching but as he said at the time, he wouldn’t be rushed which is fair enough as the whole morning was pretty magical so why rush it, breath it in and feel the energy. So I’ve established this isn’t me in the photo its Garrett McNamara although it almost could have been but the simple fact is its not, I am slightly disappointed it’s not me but I did however help him get this wave as I was driving the jet that towed him in and also picked him up which sometimes can be as good of a feeling than actually surfing the wave but then again sometimes not. It is however a freaking big wave and I’m just super stoked to of had the opportunity of being out there on this morning, thanks to everyone involved in The North Canyon project and the town of Nazare and congratulations Garrett for an epic ride. 

Change of reasons

Change of Reasons from wavedreamer on Vimeo.

I love this blogging shit and it has been said I am quite good at it at times, apart from that incident when I wrote about the grown men pissing about racing their little dingys which upset a few people. Well mainly them and I think there has been a couple other minor scenarios but you can’t please everyone all the time and like I said some people just take things too seriously and I was only saying what I saw.
So I’ve been given the opportunity to write another blog for the guys at Eyeball, it’s going to be completely different to this one, as in I won’t be as loose and I’ll try to be slightly more professional and write about my surfing experiences rather than random dribble that comes into my head which at times should never be written down let alone published on the internet. This is a clip by Wavedreamer of a few waves I surfed in Ireland towards the end of the season, to see what sensible things I wrote about it check out my blog on Eyeballhq.com . Hope you like it.

£5.50 Hot sandwich combo meal

I learnt from my last trip to Nazare, never sit in the middle on those sit anywhere flights because last time all I wanted was the hot sandwich combo meal for £5.50 and although I could see the air hostesses coming from either end they took over 2 hours to get to me and by the time I got my hot sandwich combo meal I might as well of waited cause I was practically already there, then to top it off I was pretty much last off the plane and had to wait ages standing around at passport control. I could of sat anywhere on that freaking plane, why did I choose the middle? So this time I sat right at the front, I got served first with the food trolley, was first off the plane and through passport control within minutes, getting experienced in this travel stuff.
Not sure why I even came home really, well apart from seeing my girls. I knew this swell was going to be a big one down there and when I got conformation and told to bring any extra flotation I had on my return I did begin to worry that It had all got a bit out of control and wasn’t 100% sure what to expect but just knew I had to be there.
On swells like these I do this thing where I imagine the worst possible scenarios, waves so big I don’t want to surf, nightmare ski situations and the heaviest wipe outs and then when I get there its always smaller, safer and fun than I planned out in my brain, simple mind games and it works every time. The surf pumped for 3 straight days and was still smoking when I left, Nazare truly is an amazing wave but don’t let any photos you see fool you, it’s not to be taken lightly.

Photo:http://brunoaleixophoto.com/

Over and out.

I don’t even like surfing anymore; I am getting on now. Might give up, sell all my boards and get a full time plumbing job in Barnstaple, you know 6 days a week shuffling round on my knees from 8 to 5, under sinks, behind toilets and under floorboards. Save some cash, buy a house and settle down. I am engaged for feck sake and have to think about my future and reasonability’s.
Only joking, had you for a second though didn’t I. Bet my Dad almost had a smile on his face then, Although like he says if I had a brain in my head that’s what I would be doing but the reality is there’s not a chance. I’m loving life at the minute; just take this last week in Nazare. Got to surf the gnarliest beach break in Europe ranging from 5 to 15ft, got barrelled, hung out with people who all have the same passion and enthusiasm about waves as me which was pretty epic, then went to the premiere of the North Canyon Show with Garrett McNamara at the cinema in Lisbon to check myself out on the big screen; yeah I’m sort of a big deal in Portugal right now. I’M NOT. So to celebrate my new found Portuguese fame I partied all night, drank 40 Super Bock, trashed my apartment and threw my TV out the window. I DIDN’T. That’s got to be a good week by anyone’s standard. Can’t wait to come back for the next big swell but for now I hear there are some toilets that need fixing in Barnstaple, better look out the knee pads.

Back to earth with a bang

After a solid driving marathon from Scotland to London to drop my co pilots off, being stuck in a traffic jam on the M4 for 2 hours, getting lost in Swindon trying to follow a ridiculous diversion, getting to Cardiff to swap vehicles only to find out my shit yellow van won’t start, waiting for the AA then downing enough Redbull to stimulate my brain until I reached North Devon I somehow found it quite hard to sleep when I got home late on Sunday so I booked a ticket to Portugal leaving the next day to catch up with my friends at Nazare. To be honest I’d missed the first day of the swell which was by far the biggest but the weeks forecast wasn’t looking to shabby so I thought what the hell, the crew here are always so friendly and after the first couple of waves it was already worth it. Ok so it’s not huge but not so small either and I can promise you this beachie packs a punch.
The shot is how not to deal with the shore break, I was trying to avoid the whole being stuck inside beach scenario which I’d gone through about 6 times already this session it’s a nightmare but instead I pretty much launched myself 20ft high landing face first onto what felt like concrete, knocking the wind out of myself not being able to breathe then having to go get my board from the beach anyway. You live and learn and next time I’ll man up and just pull in, its way easier.

Need some space

I freaking hate surfing in crowds and Croyde has to be the worst place for it. A small beach with a few peaks, add about 4 or 5 surf schools some Londoners and half the population of North Devon who has a surfboard and a heartbeat and you have your average low tide session. So I was stoked to be away last week, Ok so the waves weren’t as epic or maybe as good as Croyde but there certainly wasn’t anybody about and I pretty much had any wave I wanted. Took this shot of a couple of the boys doing some portraits just as the sun was setting after one of the better days of surfing, isn’t it just beautiful.

inappropriate word HERE

Footpaths, peelers and caves from wavedreamer on Vimeo.

Agh involuntary groaning noises, I'm having a shocker at the moment with this freaking blog. First there was that suck job scenario that wasn't deemed appropriate and now my personal description and choice of words on the HAPPYLAND blog i posted a week ago has ruffled a few feathers and made some guy called IRBmad think I've got a stick up my arse. I haven't. I bet that's not even his real name anyway, he's probably called Clive or Barry. What's wrong with Clive or Barry IRBmad there lovely names. I'm going to have to change my approach to this blog stuff then and just do product reviews and write lovely things about how great everything is, where to buy them and how brilliant we all are, that or just censor it. I'm in the Hebrides at the moment, put inappropriate word HERE followed by a controversial sentence HERE, its cold windy and the surf isn’t that great either.... Shit I'm being negative again and moaning, sorry all humans living in the Hebrides please don’t take it personally.
Check out this little short filmed by Mikey from Wavedreamer it won some sort of competition or something like that in London or somewhere. Mikeys the most amazing human in world and Wavedreamers the best company ever blah blah blah..... Enough already but it is a nice little vid.

What an amazing Indian summer.........

I’m sick of all this Indian summer shit, a few days of sunshine and the whole of the UK goes nuts, add a run of about 4 days of slightly above average surf and you’d think that Devon isn’t too bad a place to live. With all this excitement its almost compulsory that you have to tell this to every person you meet, not just for pointless and time wasting conversation but also to confirm and reassure yourself that living in the UK just really isn’t that bad. ‘Can’t believe how great the surfs been, oh and this Indian summer we’re getting too.’
I made the most the little run of waves and the UK’s Indian summer by surfing heaps and sunbathing naked in the dunes at Saunton sands, I also embarked on a epic journey, fully clothed of course as we began this little project that’s going to be called ‘Here but were’. The guys at Wavedreamer are working day and night and will hopefully soon have a little clip to post up to enlighten you all on our voyage.

HAPPYLAND

HAPPYLAND a place where you wear nothing but a smile on your face, money means nothing and the burgers and chips are free. It’s not it’s a tacky amusements in Bournemouth on the sea front where I was this weekend at the European IRB Championships where I was doing a bit of safety cover. I’m new to all this IRB racing scene which is part of the whole Surf Life Saving sport so I was calling it RIB racing for the first 24 hours until I realised I was just embarrassing myself and confirming I was completely out the loop.
So what would I say about IRB racing then, well like all surf life savers they love walking around in there dick togs and have to wear something at all times that either says LIFEGUARD, RESCUE, IRB or RNLI on it which is far enough. As for the racing part, well pretty much grown men and the occasional woman jump in their boats really fast, hoon across flat water, throw a young girl or the occasional boy into their boat really fast, which is classed as the rescue then hoon back. Its carnage and looks freaking dangerous to me but these guys take it dam serious. As long as there having fun that’s the main thing really.

Hot dogs for tea Terry

I just want to get one thing straight and apologise, no one is sucking anyone off male or female. Bumped into my mate Richard from wavedreamer today, you know the nice guy who’s aiming to make me more professional and attractive to sponsors and he very kindly warned me ‘Cotty my friend just be careful as I don’t want to be the one to say I told you so, but if you insist on writing about men sucking you off on your blog you could lose sponsorship or even possible sponsorship in the future.’ He has a point so I do apologise its I just like to write things down that come straight into my head and not censor things to much as it all gets a bit boring and predictable.
Did you know the majority for prisoners who try to escape prison do so when there nearing the end of their sentence, pretty odd hey but I kind of get where there coming from, I’m due to finish work this week and although I’m not comparing it to a prison sentence. Some days I’m sure would be very similar. I did try and escape early but due to a few misfortunes there was no way out and had to see it to the bitter end. But there’s light at the end of this tunnel called life as winters here and I’m pretty much free to do what I want, within reason of course and until I run out of money and have to get another job again or even worse do some plumbing.
Surfed Croydes excuse for a reef tonight, surprisingly fun. My pretend friend Josh took the photo.

A serious Question

Is it cheating if I got sucked off by a man? Is what I asked my girlfriend ‘No matter what you got sucked off by I’d finish with you’ ‘but I would have a little chuckle to myself if it was a man’ was her reply, not that I want to get sucked off by a man or anything It was just in one of those questions that I’ve asked a lot of people the past week, as you do.
Been killing it on the contest scene lately so much so I think I missed my calling in life, did the Redbull break5 and went absolutely crazy. Unfortunately it wasn’t in the sea it was on the dance floor where I lunged and did press ups until I couldn’t move and had to be carried home, it happens from time to time as I just get far too excited and have more energy than humanly possible for any normal man in his thirties, inevitably I lost my heats so learning from my mistakes which I always try to do I took a very different game plan to the Eyeball inter clubs held at the Woolacombe wave at the weekend. Obviously this wasn’t your normal surfing contest for a start it’s not even a real wave but none the less it’s freaking hard to do so avoiding any sort of booze, lunging or press ups I helped team Putsborough take a win over Woolacombe and Croyde to bring back the first bit of silver wear to the most expensive place to park your car for a surf in the world. Go Putts A Team yeeew.
Photo: Rob Tibbles

new dog next door

I’ve sort of lost my way with this blog thing, it was supposed to be all about how good at surfing I am, how much coverage I get and to let every man and his dog that could read and use the internet know. Just been sorting some of this year’s coverage out which oddly enough I haven’t posted any of it up on here. Not sure why I just suppose it’s all a bit boring really, found this shot by Gary McCall which was run on a surfing internet site and also in print in an international surf mag. ‘Want to support these guys sooo badly but its fat and your shoulder hoping’ was one comment and ‘I think they were asking for publicity. The presence of 2 photographers gives that away’ was another on the article published on the surfing site, both have a fair point.
Remember that time when I lived in Ireland and the dog next door just wouldn’t stop fecking barking at me, well there’s a similar situation going on where I live now. There was a couple living next door and at first I could always hear them arguing but now the woman’s disappeared and has been replaced by a massive fecking dog that just doesn’t bark when It see’s you, it constantly barks no matter fecking what. I wonder where the woman’s gone; can you just trade humans in for dogs now at pet shops? Or maybe she left and he just wanted a companion who didn’t slam doors? Not sure but I just hate that constant barking noise.

Photo: http://www.potatobread.co.uk/

Organised fun.

I hate organised fun, I know hates a strong word and I’m massively in the minority here as everyone else I know seems to love it but I just can’t stand the feeling that I should have to, I want to be having fun when I want to be having fun and feel like fun, not when someone suggests I should be having fun by organising something weeks even months in advance and telling me it’s now fun time. What if at the time of organising I feel like fun but when the day finally comes round all I want to do is sit at home with a cup of tea, feet up reading Dear Deidre from the back of The Sun. This is the problem I have with this organised fun malarkey.
Went to London the other day and saw this sign, I loved it and was desperate to go in there and get my barnette cut and have some fun but unfortunately didn’t have time. Had to catch a train see and besides there wasn’t a chance I was going to miss it with all the carnage going on up there although it was a close call, thinking about the randomness of having a beer whilst getting my hair cut. They don’t do that in Devon I tell ye. Back to the organised fun, I got engaged on Sunday and there’s going to be a whole heap of organised fun coming up, the thing is I can’t wait as me and Katie always have fun no matter how organised it is and that’s why I want to marry her and I couldn’t be happier.

Team Devon

It was the Atlantic Water sports Games the other week and sharing responsibility’s with Tundish I helped choose, register and mentor the team, you know give up my spare time for free to benefit the community and help the young Devon surfing stars of the future and all the shit. Check them out, well not all of them as a few of them couldn’t be arsed to turn up for the first team meeting and photo which is fair enough but most of them did, fine bunch of young humans which I chose solely on looks just in case the surf was flat and they ended up doing a beauty contest instead. Unfortunately the surf was well surfable and although team Devon won on looks and hotness we came 3^rd in the surfing and 2^nd overall which was slightly confusing as we kicked some as in the surfing and I’d thought we’d won but I don’t make the rules or understand them for that matter.

bloody nice bloke

I know I’ve said it before but I’m not just dashingly handsome and multi talented, plumber, lifeguard, pro surfer with a bit of modelling thrown in the mixer I’m also a bloody nice bloke, have I ever mentioned my ex girlfriend dumped me because she thought I was a loser?! Croyde Surf Club do a grom session every Monday night and tomorrow myself and Dr Baker are going to take it and the lovely people at Analog have sorted some treats to spread the love, they’re like me bloody nice too. Not 100% what the plan is yet which is a little worrying, not brilliant with kids and I get nervous speaking to more than one person at a time let alone 30 groms but that’s why I got Dr Baker involved he can do airs and shit so the groms will be putty in his hands or so I’m hoping just hope he doesn’t try and dish out any medical advice.

A bit of bush

ANDREW COTTON PROFILE from wavedreamer on Vimeo.
Went and did some tow-ats with Dr Baker today, he may be an aerial specialist but I gave him a run for his money. When I was getting the ski out the water this guy passing asked ‘is your name Andrew’, I thought fair enough I’m sort of a big deal you know maybe he’s seen me in the mags or in the paper and maybe wants a autograph or photo but I Cooley said ‘yeah mate’ quietly waiting for a response he then said ‘I pulled you out a bush a few years back’ ‘I was driving through Croyde and saw some random legs sticking out a bush’ ‘I stopped and helped you out then you demanded I take you to instow for a free party’ I obviously have no recognition of this and was slightly miffed ‘really’ I asked but he assured me it happened so I thanked him then asked if he wanted me to sign anything.
Cheers mate, yep thanks for saving me from bush glad I made an impression. Mikey and Rich from wavedreamer have been working on my profile; they aim to make me professional so I suppose I won’t be saved from any bushes in the next few months, well maybe.

Cracking

I wonder if this guys a plumber?

The Swiss ball swing

I rescued this lad in the sea the other day, he was with 2 other mates but was the only unfortunate one to get caught in the rip and swept out to sea. As I got to him he was pretty relieved as panic had set in and he was starting to see the fear, I got him on the rescue board then started paddling him back to shore. When we got to about knee depth water I got off the board and stood up asking him if he was OK, kind of expecting a ‘thanks’ or a ‘you saved my life’ response but to my surprise I didn’t get either. He just stood up and modally waded through the shallows not talking until he got to his 2 mates who were now waiting for him on the beach, he took off his leash and threw his body board at them shouting ‘thanks for nothing’ there was then a few words shouted back and forth with myself sort of stood there in amazement untill he went and sat by himself half way up the beach. It’s funny what emotions a bit of fear can bring out.
Like most things I generally like training in my pants, it gives you a sense of freedom you don’t get when training fully clothed. I call this one the ‘Swiss ball swing’ where I stand on the ball and swing weights around my head while trying not to fall off, it’s good for the core apparently.

Photo: Jason Feast

The disruptive spirit of a dark goat.

  

The disruptive spirit of a dark goat (Cotty surfing Nias) from wavedreamer on Vimeo.

I was in a case of a mistaken identity at the weekend which meant I got to get an extra portion of pork, 'oh this lad needs looking after so make sure you give him an extra portion' said the lovelly lady behind the BBQ, I just smiled and wondered what the hell I'd ever done to warrent an extra pork portion or what on earth she thought I was going to do in the near future to deserve it. It wasn't till the pork disher outter questioned my wortheryness and the lady saying 'he's paddling around Lundy island next week' the penny dropped. Do I just go with it or own up? I knew who'd she had mistaken me for as there's only one loon I know who'd even want to do such a thing and although he's obviously way more buffer and a supierer athlete than I am I'm sure I'm far better looking. Obviously there's a moral issue here,  I wasn't going to take the credit for something I wasn't doing or had any plans to ever do, that's not the sort person I am but the pork looked so good so I waited till the extra piece had been placed on my plate then picking up the plate I piped up and came clean. 'Hope not because that's something I didn't know anything about, I think you're thinking of Nick Thorn' 'but thanks for the extra portion though'.
Richard at Wavedreamer has just put together this little clip of a couple waves I caught when I was in Nias, there's no pork involved but there was a disruptive spirit of a dark goat.

Oh and good luck to Nick at the weekend, check out his site and donate, its all for charity.

Crumpets for breakfast

I ate 6 crumpets for breakfast this morning, that's definitely not a balanced diet. Bit like the time I went on a sausage bender in Ireland and consumed about 80 bangers in a week, all things to excess I just can't help myself.

If you follow me on Twitter you'll know from my random tweets and surf reports that the surf's been 'shit' a lot recently but I have made myself go in, I have to or I get the strange guilty feeling which makes me strip naked and whip myself with a old leather belt until I break down and cry. Also did this floatation tank thingy which was a definite highlight for me, I'm no hippy and won't get all spiritual about this sort of shit but I love being wet and as I've said before I used to have that habit of sleeping in the bath but this is way more safer. You just can't help but float and as I drifted off in my salty water filled cocoon I can only describe a strange feeling of weightlessness almost like a flying sensation which is highly addictive and far healthier on the mind body and soul than LSD. Could be an expensive few weeks ahead.

 http://handsonclinic.co.uk/

Framed for plant pot murder

I got framed for plant pot murder.  I know I can hardly believe it myself, who would do such a thing then have the audacity to get someone else to phone me up and have words with me about it. I also went to see my mother last week, I didn’t mention the framing for plant pot murder scenario as to be honest it happened a long time ago and as I didn’t even do it I find the whole situation quite funny, it’s just water under the bridge.
To tell you the truth I didn’t get to say much to my Mum as from the minute I got there she pretty much talked at me constantly, this is the great thing about my Mum as I don’t like talking much and whenever she’s about I don’t really have to. Amongst a few things she talked at me about there was one I couldn’t quite believe she was actually telling me ‘went to a lovely new restaurant this week’ she said in her mid Devon accent, she’s from Crediton see which defiantly has unique tone ‘such a nice place and amazing service’ ‘I asked for tap water and they gave it to me free’ she said in an excited and surprised way, which at this point I did pipe up and ask if was actually serious or being extremely sarcastic  ‘No Andrew I was very impressed, it came in a lovely jug and even had ice and lemon in it’.
I on the other hand am not so impressed with this but I have started doing a bit of lifeguarding for the summer down at Croyde which in the past few days has been impressive.

Wanna be.

Creative collective: Gulfstream from wavedreamer on Vimeo.

When I was a grom all I wanted to be is a pro surfer but the problem  stopping me from being one was that I was shit, well this was a pretty major problem actually which was really messing up my goal. So rather than admit defeat when I left school I started an apprenticeship at Gulf Stream Surfboards which would mean I got to spend heaps more time in the sea and travel for 3 months every winter whilst earning some money, it was like being a pro surfer in the way I could surf when ever and I got to travel a lot but I also had to do that thing called manual labour in a surfboard factory for 45 hours a week.
Had a pretty epic time there which lasted 10 years, surfed shit loads, travelled every winter and learnt heaps about boards, shaping and glassing but it ended all of a sudden when I woke up in a bad mood one day and quit out of the blue. Yeah slightly odd I know but I can be some times.
So the clip above is about my mate Jools who I worked for and surfed with for the 10 years I was there, he shapes pretty sick boards by hand and talks some sense too so check it out.

Tommy

Had my first shave In over a month yesterday, not that I was being lazy not shaving or anything but remember that time I had to leave my bag in Heathrow because of the excess luggage scenario and that bitch trying to rip me off a grand, well one of the things I left in it was my electric razor charger and I’ve only just got the bag back. Obviously you’re thinking I could of had a wet shave but I couldn’t bring myself to do it, tried it once when I first started shaving and it really hurt my face and I came up with a rash on my neck so I vowed never to do it again.So been home in Devon for a few weeks now and they haven’t been the best, I started to get sick in Jakarta on the way back from Indo and haven’t been on top form since, I sought medical advice from Dr Baker just before we started our separate missions home and he told me ‘Keep washing your hands and face and take these tablets every 4 hours and you’ll be fine’ and handed me a packet of lemsips. I was grateful obviously as it wasn’t like he charged me for the consultation or the lemsips but as I lay on the floor in the airport freezing cold, shivering yet sweating my tits off I couldn’t help but think ‘ why the fuck does he want me to keep washing my hands and face?’
So this is Tommy the Tortoise, my Mum and Dad looked after it a while back and I just found a photo of it on my phone, I was looking for a relevant photo of Dr Baker, the one I had in mind was a photo I saw on Facebook of him in make up dressed as a woman doing his funny little wrist thing that he does. But for the life of me I can’t find it which is a little disappointing so Tommy will have to do.

My stag do tonight

‘You don’t surf to bad for a cripple’ said Selway, fair point I have got the knees of an OAP but why does he keep having to go on about my knee brace, it’s not like I wear it out of choice or for a fashion statement. He doesn’t like eating fish but I don’t go on about it, ‘just try it mate, it tastes like chicken’ I could say every time he has to explain why he doesn’t like it. Obviously I do say this but only because I know it winds him up and he always goes on about my knee brace.
Anyway, so it’s all coming to an end. We’ve done our male bonding, tops off cuddles and all that shit and it’s been a great success, I got to meet Manuel for the first time, a few waves were surfed, a couple photo’s taken and some little clips filmed and it should all be available for your pleasure soon and did I mention I got to meet Manuel. It’s been hard work I’m not going to lie but it’s all character building or so they say and now we’re in Padang and I’m going to have my stag do tonight, don’t get me wrong I’m not getting married but just fancy a stag do. You know a little celebration and a final bit of team bonding plus I want to see how it goes so I’m prepared for when I do have one.
Manuel say’s ‘Fucking boats’ not sure why just think he’s over them, fair enough I’m not going to argue. Thanks to Diego for making us so welcome and everyone at Mentawai-surfcamp.com

The new 'Manuel' Fan page on facebook

I know you shouldn’t have one but I think I’ve got a favourite on this trip, Manuel’s from Lanzarote and is amazing amounts of fun and priceless for entertainment but I bet at home’s he’s one of those scary locals that surf’s solid and is just intimidating to look at, with the ability to call you off waves just with eye contact but once you get to know him he’s just like a big cuddle bear. He dislikes surfing small left hander’s just as much as me and generally only speaks 4 words of English at a time. ‘We surf the right’ is his favourite thing to say and he also sings a lot to himself in Spanish, he has trouble sitting still for more than 2 minutes which has been a slight problem when we’re spending so much time on a small boat going from spot to spot.
He often disappears from the camp and can usually be found playing football in the village with the locals or having a sneaky beer on the beach as if he’s an underage drinker or trying to keep it under wraps. I LIKE him so much I’ve set up a fan page for him on Face book I think you should LIKE him too.

Dr Baker

All I want is everyone to be happy, I think they are but it’s been hard the last couple of days. Waves have been small; mainly lefts and we’ve been spending a lot of time on the boat trying to make the most of everyday and milking every opportunity, so much so when we get home I find myself gently swaying from side to side and stumbling around my room.
Good job Baker came along though, not only is he a really good filmer,  he can punt huge front side airs and now he has turned into the team and island doctor, words spread and we’ve got people queuing for miles to see him and get his worldly advice and he’s turned our room into a surgery. He patched up Fergal’s foot and I even heard Damian asking his medical opinion yesterday and now it’s turned out he’s an expert in Malaria too. With his malarial facts Bakers re writing medical journals and claiming things that can’t even be found on Google or Wikipedia ‘once you get malaria it reoccurs the same time every year for the rest of your life’ but after hours of discussion, debate and research it's become apparent. You never question the doctor, never.

How did you sleep?

Shit view in it and it’s what I have to wake up to, well this and Selway moaning then baker saying really odd things like ‘I slept like a rapist last night’ ‘what the feck are you going on about baker?’ ‘well I slept really well and so do rapists’ the conversation went on like this for about 5 minutes and it turns out the poor lad has his little sayings a bit mixed up but I’ve assured him that rapists probably don’t sleep that well and he really should of said either a baby or a log but I’m not too sure it sank in.
I did on the other hand do an amazing aqua poo today which was possibly the best move I did all day. I paddled past everyone on the peak at bank vaults while they all gave me funny looks as if I was blatantly trying to sneak them all and Manuel even asked me where I was going, I just replied I was going to charge the outside and kept paddling, the thing about aqua poo’s is the sense of freedom that you don’t get with other poo’s and this one ranked highly as one of my better ones.
Apart from this not much to report, everyone’s been barrelled, Damien’s done about 50 back hand air reverses and Fergal’s cut his foot. 

A funny joke

So an English man, Irish man, French man, Spanish man and a Portuguese man all arrive on this island right...... Really they did, this isn’t one of the racist jokes that used to be so popular at school it’s the European Analog surf trip to the Mentawai-surfcamp and after a brief few hours in a air conditioned room in a swanky hotel in Padang we all endured a horrific boat ride, it could of been amazing but the second we left the port the sky’s clouded and the wind began to blow, too tell you the truth I was shitting it and it wasn’t helped by the fact our 2 captains were chain smoking the whole journey whilst surrounded by open barrels of fuel and I couldn’t help but keep thinking the worst case scenario, would we slowly burn or be blown sky high but we all arrived safely although a little wet.
Remember I told you about my mate Dave back a long, well after all my scepticism he invited me to come visit him and said I could bring a couple mates. Me being a bloody nice bloke and all round top guy decided to ask my euro team buddy’s for bit of male bonding, in a good way of course not the tops off cuddling each other way although that may or may not happen but in the team building way and getting to know each other that little bit better and of course get some waves, some shots and a few clips.
I’ll let you know how it goes and how the waves are too.

Bike race

The other day I got this taxi to town, well I say taxi I just walked out onto the road and some guy on a motorbike stopped and asked If I wanted a lift, I said yes and then we did that bartering thing that you have to seem to do everywhere in indo. He says a stupidly high price then I say no and suggest a stupidly low price then we come to some agreement somewhere in the middle; the whole thing does my head in and no matter what all ways leaves me feeling a little ripped off. After finally getting to a price I jump on the back and have to endure a motorbike ride from hell which consisted of my man smoking a fag whilst driving, having a phone conversation and thinking that by beeping his horn its ok to take blind corners on the wrong side of the road, silly me course it is. I just held on for dear life and just hoped I’d get there in one piece, problem was I’d foolishly paid for a return journey but there wasn’t a chance I was getting on the back of that guys bike again.
So my time in Nias has come to an end and apart from my taxi experience was pretty epic. It wasn’t all about getting barrelled though, here’s me knocking the top off one, a wave that is. Next stop mentawai .

Feeling lucky

How lucky am I, Just over a year ago I was bored out my brains lying in a bedroom at my mum’s house going on massive internet binges and talking to a cuddly toy I called Big Bird after having my knee reconstructed by my mate Andy the knee surgeon from London and getting over a relationship failure. So a year on I’m all smiles, well not all but more smiles than usual. I’ve had a couple of big waves under my belt and now I’m in indo loving life, Haven’t had the shits yet either which is good news and for some odd reason my farts don’t seem to smell anymore, I have on the other hand broken one of my new boards which is slightly annoying as I feel I hadn’t given her a proper pasting yet and our relationship was cut so short but I guessed it was sort of jinxed from the start as when I picked it up from Diplock a comment was thrown out there that I’d never snapped one of their boards, which was true but not anymore.
Indo’s an odd place and it’s been about 11 years since I was here last and I’d forgotten how bloody brilliant it was, all rules are flexible and you can pretty much do anything and go anywhere, at a small price of course and everyone seems pretty happy about it. So this is me J O J (just off the jet) pasty white, ginger and straight into a Nias double up, of course this isn’t the best way to deal with them but it is one.

A grand don't come for free

Moved out the multimillion dollar beach house I briefly lived in while in Devon the last few weeks, did some plumbing, had to deal with the most horrible and useless estate agent in the world who I nicked named the devil woman and finally found a place to live, had a few loose nights out and did a bit of surfing then picked up a few new boards, got myself a wetsuit sponsor who I’m stoked to be with and booked myself a ticket to indo. Now I’ve just saved myself a thousand pounds, yep 1 grand. The dreaded check in desk is possibly every surfers nightmare with a lottery outcome but when I got told I’d have to pay a 15kg excess for my sporting equipment I wasn’t that bothered, it’s pretty usual and usually can cost anything from £20.00 to £200.00 but when the woman at the information desk asked for £1000.00, then my credit card I pretty much started crying. ‘Sorry sir but the only sporting equipment we let go for free is golf clubs’ ‘we give you 20kg of luggage for free, sporting equipment or not and anything over that is classed as excess and charged accordingly’ ‘can’t we come to some agreement’ was what I pleaded ‘you know just pretend there golf clubs or something’ but she coldly told me rules were rules and there was no one in the airport who could authorise this. I just left the counter speechless and feeling sick. Without much thought I started unpacking and stuffing anything I thought was essential into my board bag, I’d have to ditch my bag and just take boards, I went back to the counter and explained what I wanted to do and asked where I could leave a bag. She didn’t give a shit pointed me to the check in counter again and said I had to re weigh the bags I wanted to check in. As I wrestled my bag onto the scales and poured my heart out to the guy whilst trying to take some weight with my foot, the check in phone rang. It was that bitch from the information desk telling the guy he had to take my boards to an oversized weighing belt, what was her fecking problem I thought as the scales dipped between 19-23kg depending on where my foot was.  The boards weighed in at just over 27kg and although I was still in the depths of a serious excess luggage fisting I had saved myself some serious money, then the guy just turned to me and quietly said ‘we’ll just call that 20kg or there about shall we?!’ and gave me my boarding card.
OK so I still have a bag in Heathrow and no clothes but yet again it shows how fickle the rules of the excess baggage are, just hope they turn up now.

The blow out

‘What the hell are you doing leaving Ireland a day before St Patrick’s day’ is what most people asked me and it’s also what I continually asked myself but I had my reasons, things had been good so far and I sort of didn’t want to ruin it so late in the trip and try and get home in one piece with no injuries. Although 10 minutes into what should of been a 14 hour drive home I heard an almightily bang and as I glanced into my wing mirror all I could see was sparks and bits of tyre all over the road. As I pulled over to access the damage I couldn’t help but laugh, What a massive ball ache to say the least, it was 10pm and I had given myself plenty of time to drive the 6 hours to the ferry which left at 9am, things should of been mellow but I wasn’t really planning this little scenario which is no biggie unless you haven’t got a spare tyre and bearings which of course I didn’t. So not wanting to leave the ski on the side of the road for fear some little tinkers might come along and help themselves neither being able to drag it home we slept in the front seats of the van just 10 minutes from our beds freezing cold. The next day I had to leave my mate Gentle Ben guarding it for 5 hours while I drove round trying to get a spare which wasn’t as easy as you might think. Felt sorry for poor Gentle he’d been having a bit of a shocking trip so far and Ireland wasn’t dealing him the best of hands so to speak so this was almost like icing on the cake, for me it wasn’t so bad yeah we missed the ferry yeah it took us nearly 36 hours to get home but I’d had a pretty amazing winter so something like this was pretty trivial although at the time it did feel like something was trying to tell me to stay for just a few more days.
Anyway home now which isn’t so bad is it.........

The bare chested burger eater at KFC

Look at our little house. It makes me a little bit sad, not only have I got to go home soon and back to work I’ve also got to tidy and clean it and try and leave it in a respectable state so there might be a slim chance I’ll be able to rent it again sometime. This little scenario wouldn’t take too long between 2 of us but my house mate Lyndon left me on me tod at short notice late at night due to a little ankle injury which he didn’t stop going on about, I’m partly responsible for this so to make myself feel better about the whole situation I sat with him in casualty for 3 hours and pushed him around in a wheel chair to get it x-rayed. To be fair he’s rubbish at cleaning anyway but the trouble is so am I.
Well I’m sort of solo, Gentle Ben had turned up for a few days and keep me company but I can’t expect him to do much tidying although he did clean the dishes yesterday and he came with me to the dump to get rid of Lyndon’s boxes that his boards turned up in.
I love Ireland and am truly gutted to be going, there’s so many reasons why it’s better than home, I could do some sort of list ‘for’s’ and ‘against’ or ‘positives’ and ‘negatives’ and I think the only thing that would be in the against or negative column would be that annoying fecking dog from next door which still barks at me constantly 3-4 times a day and shits all over our lawn. I have got one highlight though from the past 2 months which sticks out in my brain over all the waves, animals, good times and laughter. Last Wednesday I saw a fat guy eating a burger in the KFC bare-chested at 11am, it was pretty busy and not a single sole seemed to be looking at him oddly or thinking it was strange, he just stood at the table, top off with his massive fat guts out eating a Zinger meal. Fecking amazing hope I see him again before I go.

The Kitchen

Agh, involuntary groaning noises, look at the state of the kitchen and it’s defiantly Lyndon’s turn to do the washing up. Although he has hurt his foot and can’t surf so I should show him a little compassion but that doesn’t mean I’m going to wash his dirty dishes.
Had a very strange email the other day offering me gift vouchers if I did a product review from a cookware website, defiantly a scam i hear you say. ‘My name is Kate and I’m part of the Promotions Team here at www.CSNStores.co.uk . We have been seeking out high quality websites and blogs, gauging interest in doing a giveaway with one of our sites www.CookwarebyCSN.co.uk or www.allmodern.co.uk/ they sell a huge range of products including Le Creuset cookware apparently. Obviously they haven’t seen the state of my kitchen and the fact I have no interest in cooking, it could be an interesting review.
Jason Feast has been here the last week who coincidently is a dam good cook and we’ve been doing our best not to get any shots, it’s the first time I’ve ever met him and he’s a bloody nice bloke although slightly shorter than I expected. Doesn’t seem to mind the old dick chat either but we’ll see if it tips him over the edge after a few more days.

Annoying barking rabbit dog

Remember when I used to have those pants with fish all over them, I loved those pants. Used to call them my lucky pants, until I had that little incident in the hot tub that time at the pub then took them off and threw them at the moon. Evidently I never got them back and although felt a little embarrassed about the whole hot tub/pub/pant scenario but I was more upset that I actually managed to lose my fish pants.
Well Lyndon has exactly the same pair and today driving back from the surf he teased me by wearing only the said pants all the way home. It was like rubbing salt into an open gash, in fact I was thinking about my pants so much I completely forgot about the wheel clamp for the trailer and it wasn’t till we pretty much got home, Lyndon still in fish pants that I remembered. ‘Feck Lyndon, we forgot the clamp.’ It wasn’t even like a quick 10 minute drive back either as we’d been surfing miles away and it was a good hour to go back, plus the thing cost us nearly £90.
So in a slightly shitty mood pissed off about my missing favourite fish pants that I stupidly threw at the moon and now realising I’d left the trailers wheel clamp and the harbour which is over a hour away I get home and am faced with this. Stupid annoying barking rabbit dog which barks at me every day, 3 times a day and also everyone else who happens to pass by, but as the lady said ‘don’t be scared it won’t bite’ and ‘it’s only barking cause it known’s no one should be living there’.
Been here nearly 2 months now, got 1 more left. God I hate that dog.....

Mullaghmore Tow contest 20011

Did that tow contest at Mullaghmore the other day with the Big Red on the Red Bull, I had a bit of a shocker but as a team we managed to squeak in a 3^rd place overall and Al even got an award for best barrel which was a shock to everyone involved, even Al.
Was a epic event and good on Paul O’kane for getting it together, to be honest there was no real rivalry or competitiveness going down just really good vibes, everyone charging hard and pushing it, then when the contest was over we all got out and had a little group cuddle in the harbour with our tops off. Sounds gay I know but that’s what we do after every Mullaghmore session, So you could just say it was like any normal session but we only had an hour to get our waves and it cost 150 euro to enter.
I want to dedicate my 3^rd place to Leggey the bloke from Braunton who caught that fuck off massive fish and made the cut for the back page of the North Devon Journal. As you can see my trophies are sitting next to the signed framed copy he gave me for Christmas. Next year I’m going to win and then maybe I’ll make the back page just like Leggey, just hope he isn’t out fishing that week I do.

Stinking of piss

The surf was absolutely pumping yesterday so it was just a little bit annoying that I was out the back of Rooney Tyres and Exhaust in Bundoran with parts of the ski scattered around me having a nervous breakdown trying to piece it all back together with the help of the technician on the other end of the phone. It did that thing where it started on dry land but the second we put it in the water and I pissed in my wetsuit it wasn’t having any of it so we had to pull it out again and I spent the morning stressing and stinking of piss, which isn’t that unusual to be fair. The lad from Rooney’s tyres and Exhaust was a star for letting us use all his tools though, it’s a family run business but no relation to that football bloke Wayne, although I did shout ‘Roooooooooooooooooney’ ‘Roooooooooooooooney’ in his face once or twice in between asking for spanners and screwdrivers and he fecking loved it. Had to cheer myself up somehow as I was almost in tears over what I thought I was missing. To cut a massive scene of a day short I managed to get in the sea with about an hour or so of light to go, the plan was to paddle but with light fading and the way the day was going opted to tow a few just to make the most of it.
This is a reject shot of one of the bigger sets that came through in the short time we surfed, It sort of sums my day up really, blurry and out of focus and poor Gary wasn’t too happy either, we’re all putting the effort in but things aren’t always as straight forward as they seem and look, but there’s always next time.

Photo: http://www.potatobread.co.uk/

Prowlers paddle

You know it’s going to happen at some point and that’s all part of paddling but when it does it seems to take so long. I think I knew I was fecked about a minute before the set came, it’s that 50/50 scenario where the normal part of my brain is telling me to paddle out so I don’t get cleaned up but the slightly odd part is saying stand your ground because you want to be able to catch one of these buggers. Then there’s the realisation your definitely gunna get caught and no matter how hard you paddle and what direction you just seem to move nowhere then after you’ve dealt with the first wave there’s always a bigger heavier one behind. Course there is that’s life.
So the photo was taken by Gary McCall and I think this is either the 2^nd or 3^rd wave I took on the head while surfing prowlers the other day, I’d lucked in and managed to catch a couple before hand and was now playing chicken with myself, it ended in me getting a right old kicking, losing my board and luckily being rescued by Barry.
Recently I’ve been sleeping in my hoody and socks, no pants as ideally I’d like to sleep naked but the heating has broken and it’s too cold so I’ve compromised with myself and just sleep naked from the waist down, it’s good to compromise. This obviously has nothing to do with anything I’d just thought I’d get it off my chest.

Photo: http://www.potatobread.co.uk/

The arm waving hey technique

Awww bless him, look how happy and content little Lyndon looks. This whoever wasn’t the case early on when all you could see was fear and panic in his eyes.
How annoying is it when your car doesn’t start, it usually happens when you’re in a rush, late for work or urgently need to be somewhere. Then out of the blue and with no explanation your car just won’t start, It’s never done it before and quite possibly won’t do it again which makes it all the bit more tedious and annoying, Well that sort of happened to us the other day.
Floating out to sea beside a off shore bombie we’d been checking out, I was pressing START but all that was happening was the engine was turning over and  whining yet not actually sparking, no biggie really apart from the set of the day was loaming and we had drifted right into the line of fire.
‘It’s not starting’ I shouted to Lyndon as I turned everything off and re set the immobilizer in a small attempt to make it look like I know what I’m doing, still no joy just the woeful sound of the engine whining. ‘We’re fucked’ was Lyndon’s reply as he descended into a whole world of pain, panic and probably self questioning as the set became closer and it was an almost certain we’d get hit by it, then  bizarrely he stands up waving his hands above his head shouting ‘hey’ at the top of his voice. God knows who he was doing this too or even excepted to help in such short notice, maybe he was trying to confront and scare the waves off like you’re supposed to do when you’re faced with a wild beast. I wasn’t going to question him I just kept pressing START and was planning when to actually abandon ship and how fast and what direction I’d have to swim to get the fecking thing back, then almost like a miracle or someone playing a really bad joke she fired and the engine fully kicked in just in time for us to squeak over the shoulder of the first wave. Might have to take up that ‘arm waving hey technique’ next time I’m having engine troubles, seems to work wonders.

Sharing’s caring

When it comes to waves and surfing a saint on dry land can suddenly turn into a sinner, those selfish tendencies that all humans seem to have can come out and you tend to look out for number one. It can be tuff when you think someone’s getting more than their fair share of waves or being slightly snaky in the sea, who can blame anyone for wanting to catch as many waves as possible and getting the best ones at that.
The other nightmare is if you ever go on trips or missions with a few mates and everyone wants different things when deciding where to surf. I personally go for any right hander, ideally slightly bigger and barrelling but I’ll never turn down a slightly fatter point break either, it’s a given really as I’m natural footed and like getting barrelled. Some of my mates would be looking for something completely different and there’s nothing wrong with that but it just helps if you’re all singing from the same sheet when it comes to deciding on somewhere to surf.
So this is a photo of myself and Lyndon and  a perfect compromise yesterday as he likes getting pitted on lefts, also turns out we shared a little moment together when this wave came through, no sneaking, no hassling just a prefect split peak situation. Happy days.......

New Irish Cola

Mikey’s just arrived for a few days in the emerald isle, nice guy but not to be 100% trusted so all valuables and processions wanted are kept under lock and key. It’s not a racial thing it’s just I’ve learnt from my mistakes in the past when he lured me into a false sense of security and trust then when I was at my most venerable stole my flip flops pretty much from under my feet.
He’s come to do some filming which is kind of strange and I’m struggling to come to terms with it as whenever I usually spend any time with this thieving South African we’re in the sea together surfing and the oddest thing is that he hasn’t even bought a surfboard. He’s got a wetsuit though and I’ve told him that if we get some good clips we’ll go for a little wooden belly board together as a special treat as I know he loves ridding all sorts of water craft and to be honest is pretty talented at ridding them too, actually to be fair I’m not completely sure who should be filming who.
The best thing though is that he does seem to be enjoying this new Irish cola I’ve introduced him too and who can blame him.