Andrew Cotton

Saturday, 28 August 2010

Job Title

‘Cool hair mate’ is what people generally say, well apart from that woman the other week who said I looked ‘gay’ but I only spoke to her for 30 seconds and she said a couple of things which made me think she was slightly socially inapt, so I suppose she doesn’t even count.
The other thing which I’ve noticed people say is ‘So what do you do now?’ This always puts me in an awkward position as I never really know how to answer them. I could answer them in a number of replies, ‘I get by’ ‘lifeguard’ ‘shop worker’ ‘unemployed’ ‘plumber’ ‘pro surfer’ or ‘Labrador breeder’ but I don’t as I know People really only ever ask this if (a) there really stuck for conversation (b) being nosey or (c) they want to follow up by telling you how fucking brilliant there life is.
As soon as I get asked this question I instantly panic and usually answer by saying ‘um not much really’ then this opens up the follow up question ‘Oh what do you do now then?’ which is what they really wanted to tell me in the first place. So they can launch into their life, how great they are and how well their doing. Don’t get me wrong here I like to hear how well people are doing in life; it’s just the labelling thing or job description that gets my goat.  I couldn’t care less what you call or label yourself, it’s just a title which usually is made up, or blown out of proportions anyway. It honestly doesn’t bother me whether you’re title or job description in life is a Bin Collector or the Richest Man in Britain, I try and take people at face value but some people have massive hang ups on this shit.
A few months ago I found out all this out in a real life situation when I jested by calling this guy a ‘Painter and Decorator’ the fact was I couldn’t give a shit what he did or does as it just doesn’t matter, it was just instant a reply to ridiculous email that this ‘Person’ sent me in the first place.
 "Your reply to that e-mail was full of personal malice directed at belittling me and all other painters and decorators! You wrote from a seemingly aloof perspective, when in fact as a plumber your remarks say more about yourself."
Was his reply, then he launched into a rant about how rich he was and what he actually did, putting digets on his wealth and estate that he owns which I won’t quote as its just embarrassing yet at the same time very, very funny. To think that anyone would actually put that on paper in a reply to just a simple joke about a job which they don’t even do! Humans are just so strange sometimes.
Analog and Gravis just sent me some new business cards, check out my job title.

Wednesday, 25 August 2010

Emotional times

I’m an emotional little fella, you probably wouldn’t know really as it’s something that I try and keep hidden and a side I only let a few close people see. Its freaking odd the things that make me emotional though, one of which is when I watch films, I think this is why I don’t really watch many anymore, its happened in the past where when watching a film I pretty much have to switch off and ignore the plot just in case I get to involved and the water works start. My usual film watching time now is where I have no real choice on a flight and it can get quite embarrassing. Before I know it and failing to do that switch off thing my brain sort of gets emotionally attached to the characters, then for no reason the smallest scenario within the film will set me off and I just lose it and break down in tears, sometimes I just can’t stop myself. Other things that set me off are some real life documentary’s which I think most will admit can be pretty gut wrenching at times and randomly enough Deal or no deal. Yep you heard it right, I get so into that game show so much it’s actually bought me to tears, almost like I feel and pain and joy of the contestants and feel what they’re going through as I sit there sipping my tea from the comfort of my living room. I got so into this show I ended up applying, after one of the longest and most annoying application forms I’d ever taken the time to fill out, which for me is an achievement in itself I didn’t hear anything back for months. It got to the point where I pretty much forgot all about it then out of the blue I had a phone call, I got interviewed over the phone then asked to attend another audition in Bristol which if I was successful would see me hanging out with Noel in Bristol for 2 weeks while filming the shows and a pop at winning £250.000. I was so stoked and couldn’t quite believe my luck. ‘Should probably take the time to fill out more application forms more often’ I thought ‘probably starting with some job ones!’
Anyway, went to the audition and had a shocker. It involved sitting in a big semi circle with 30 other grown adults and playing a mock version of the game, no real emotion was involved no matter how the rest of the applicants tried to fake it as they over enthusiastically played and I just felt like a complete plumb as everyone else got into the pointless and embarrassing game. I didn’t break down or cry during this I felt like a bit of a twat and was sort of gutted I was wasting my time. I didn’t pass this audition which was no surprise but it did make me feel slightly more normal oddly enough.
All this as usual has nothing to do with the vid at the beginning of the post. But just take the time to watch it, don’t just watch it once take the time to watch and listen to it 2 or 3 times. It gets me going and hits hard for some reason, not just the places it’s filmed which feel quite familiar to me it’s the words that are spoken and the sincerity from Mickey. Truly amazing and emotional stuff.

Wednesday, 18 August 2010

you look..........

It’s amazing what a new hair cut, skinny jeans, baggy v neck T and some deck shoes can do. I went through a stage where I cut my own hair, just in front of the mirror with the kitchen scissors. The first few times went well and to be honest I don’t think anyone could tell but as time went on and at about the 18 month, 2 year mark my hair got so far away from an actual style I started to look a little bit ridiculous and people didn’t want to be seen in public with me, especially my ex girlfriend and it was her who persuaded me to go to a professional high street hairdresser and get a real hairstyle. It cost me freaking £25 which I couldn’t quite believe and had to ask twice, I quickly worked out that in the 2 years of my DIY haircuts I’d saved myself well over £150 which I was quite happy about it and eased the pain of the £25 mugging I’d just had while sitting still for 20 minutes being asked loads of annoying personal questions which I didn’t want or feel the need to answer.
So the last 3 or so weeks I’ve been on a bit of a tour, this has involved a lot trying to get some colour on the ginger skin, a bit of training mixed with some late nights and generally having a blast. I’ve managed to increase my alcohol tolerance levels to 5 pints, at which point I start going blind in one eye, getting a nervous involuntary twitch and speaking in tongues, it’s quite impressive for me but hopefully that will lower again as it is getting quite expensive. The thing is when I cut my own hair no one ever commented on it, but over the last few weeks and my late nights out I’ve had some random comments which has had me slightly concerned. The first was in Santander, I was quietly ripping up the dance floor when this complete stranger came up to me and shouts ‘David Guetta’ in my face, obviously I was like what the fuck. Then in really broken English ‘you look like David Guetta’ then just turned around and walked off. The second was, I saw these 2 girls getting out a taxi one night and the only reason it caught my eye was one of them had a skirt on which could of been worn as a belt, as she walked towards me she looked me right in the eye and laughed pointing ‘ha look, it’s that guy off pineapple dance studio.’ The next one was when I was chatting to a friend when some really horrible drunk girl decided to butt in, she was so drunk her face was all distorted and she looked like one of those girls you see on the programmes about booze Britain and how shit we all are at binge drinking ‘it’s JJ off big brother’ but she didn’t just say it once and fuck off she just kept saying it like she was stuck on repeat. The final one was in the cold light of day and actually left me a little speechless. When chatting at a trade show last week, this woman says to me ‘I know I don’t know you and we’ve never met before, but you look so gay’.
It’s all given me a bit of a complex really; think I might start cutting my own hair again.    

Friday, 13 August 2010

Chinese whispers

This is Dave, he’s alright really no matter what any photo says about him, although after what I’ve heard about what the fecker has been up to in the last few years you might have a different opinion.
We go way back you see, as like any small village and community everyone knows everyone, their girlfriends, ex girlfriends, where they’ve lived, who with and what went down in each seedy dwelling over the summer months and winter suicide watch, how often they go down the pub, who they talk to and what about when their down there, actually hang on this sounds a bit like facebook! Anyway, me and Dave have known each other for some time; we even worked together many moons ago in at gulfstream surfboards. Eventually Dave managed to leave the bubble for pastures greener, yet I didn’t see or hear from him for some time the old stories always filtered back, slightly exaggerated or misinterpreted
but they still came back. That’s why when I got told he’d bought a ski lodge in the Swiss alps I was thinking ‘yeah right that old chest nut’ then 6 months later I also hear he’s bought or partially bought a surf camp in the Mentawai’s. I was thinking it’s all been taking too far this time, these Chinese whispers just can’t be correct and have to stop just for Dave’s sake if no one else’s. Its gunna be more like he was cleaning for some lodge in the Swiss alps then cooking in some shitty surf camp in the Mentawai’s - living the dream briefly for a couple of years before he has to come back home to sunny Devon where nothing’s changed apart from the price of a pint in Billy buds.
Oh how I was wrong, I heard it all from the horse’s mouth just today, so maybe the photo is right! Check out Dave’s endless fun time sun time and mutter ‘cunt’ under your breath!

Sunday, 8 August 2010

Szczepan comes to Croyde for the first AG coffee morning.

This is Szczepan, he’s from Poland and has been travelling round the UK for a year and 7 months, nice bloke and I’m guessing that when he said travelling he means sleeping rough and boozing shit loads as he doesn’t look like he’s been working much over the past year and when I met him at 7am on Saturday morning he was surrounded by empty cider bottles, although I could be wrong about the work comment as I didn’t actually ask him that. He speaks perfect English and couldn’t really understand what the hell I was doing down the beach on a rainy, windy Saturday morning so early, armed with piping hot coffee and fresh donuts which I’d just picked up from the bakers in Barnstaple, but he was pretty stoked to see me.
Just started doing these Analog coffee mornings you see, the idea is to just rock up down the beach put up a gazebo and just give out free coffee and donuts to whoever passes by and have a little chin wag and hang out. Unfortunately on Saturday the weather was horrific with wind and rain and Szczepan was the only bloke down there for the first 30 mins but it did pick up and by 8am the word had spread and everyone was digging the free refreshments courtesy of AG. Luckily for me I persuaded my mate A Blake to come down and help so I wasn’t too suicidal when I was struggling with the gazebo in the rain, nice bloke, big features generally.
I’m hoping Szczepan will be down there when we do the next one as we got on so well, I said I'd let him know so he can make another appearance but he's a pretty hard guy to keep in contact with as he's not on facebook yet.

Friday, 6 August 2010

life swap

I couldn’t think of anything more de motivating than having to surf a comp in 1-2ft, yet spirits where high and the whole Devon team bonded well and worked as a unit which got results in all areas, fair play actually as most of them were punching well above their weight in the age groups they had been entered in.
Apart from the surfing what impressed me most was the other afternoon I was walking back from the shop I passed a group of girls, I looked down at my feet as I passed because these sort of groups of girls can be somewhat intimidating for a grown man like myself but out of the corner of my eye I noticed one of them wearing a Devon team hoody. What the fuck, I thought one of the little shits must have lost it or left it behind somewhere already and the girls must have found it. I got back to the beach and everyone was hanging by the gazebo ‘ok, who has lost a hoody’ I said, everyone was silent and no one came forward ‘well I’ve just seen a group of chicks and one of them was wearing a Devon team hoody’ ‘ah’ one of them pipes up ‘well that was mine you see’ ‘we met those chicks after lunch last night while waiting for the bus, we invited them down the beach to check us out in the comp today.’ ‘When they left I swapped my hoody for a bracelet and a kiss.’
 I’ve heard it all now I thought, I didn’t say anything but I was pretty impressed, I’d been out 3 times and not even spoke to anyone slightly female, in fact I spent most of my time speaking to Greg Robinson about Devon surf spots, long boarding and why some people are so annoying let alone get a chance to invite some hot chicks down the beach to check out my rig and watch me surf, then swap my hoody for a kiss. I really need to step things up.  

Sunday, 1 August 2010


It’s been testing but I’m bearing up under the strain, pressure and responsibility, there was a small scenario with losing my phone and a gazebo but you’ll all be glad to hear I haven’t lost anything or anyone else and i did recover the gazebo but unfortunately i still have no phone.
Actually I’m loving it as the last few days have been an amazing roller coaster ride of highs and lows and a whole heap of laughs. It just cracks me up some of the things the groms have come out with and how they see things. The first day one of the little fellas came out with some priceless quotes, he looked so excited sitting there on the beach with the biggest grin on his face which had me a little worried as he couldn’t of been stoked about the surf as it was shit ‘what you up to?’ I nervously asked ‘this is so good’ he excitedly replied ‘I’ve never been to a beach where the girls get their tits out before’ ‘they don’t do it at Croyde’. Needless to say they were all well behaved that day as they sat there taking it all in, we had a few surfs ran about a lot then headed back to the accommodation at last light. But he did say an absolute clinker on the coach home which had me crying with laughter. With a straight face and deadly serious ‘I’ve seen about 50 pairs of tits today’ there was a bit of silence and before I even had a chance to reply ‘that’s 100 nipples’ he then said with the biggest grin i've ever seen.