Andrew Cotton

Saturday, 28 August 2010

Job Title

‘Cool hair mate’ is what people generally say, well apart from that woman the other week who said I looked ‘gay’ but I only spoke to her for 30 seconds and she said a couple of things which made me think she was slightly socially inapt, so I suppose she doesn’t even count.
The other thing which I’ve noticed people say is ‘So what do you do now?’ This always puts me in an awkward position as I never really know how to answer them. I could answer them in a number of replies, ‘I get by’ ‘lifeguard’ ‘shop worker’ ‘unemployed’ ‘plumber’ ‘pro surfer’ or ‘Labrador breeder’ but I don’t as I know People really only ever ask this if (a) there really stuck for conversation (b) being nosey or (c) they want to follow up by telling you how fucking brilliant there life is.
As soon as I get asked this question I instantly panic and usually answer by saying ‘um not much really’ then this opens up the follow up question ‘Oh what do you do now then?’ which is what they really wanted to tell me in the first place. So they can launch into their life, how great they are and how well their doing. Don’t get me wrong here I like to hear how well people are doing in life; it’s just the labelling thing or job description that gets my goat.  I couldn’t care less what you call or label yourself, it’s just a title which usually is made up, or blown out of proportions anyway. It honestly doesn’t bother me whether you’re title or job description in life is a Bin Collector or the Richest Man in Britain, I try and take people at face value but some people have massive hang ups on this shit.
A few months ago I found out all this out in a real life situation when I jested by calling this guy a ‘Painter and Decorator’ the fact was I couldn’t give a shit what he did or does as it just doesn’t matter, it was just instant a reply to ridiculous email that this ‘Person’ sent me in the first place.
 "Your reply to that e-mail was full of personal malice directed at belittling me and all other painters and decorators! You wrote from a seemingly aloof perspective, when in fact as a plumber your remarks say more about yourself."
Was his reply, then he launched into a rant about how rich he was and what he actually did, putting digets on his wealth and estate that he owns which I won’t quote as its just embarrassing yet at the same time very, very funny. To think that anyone would actually put that on paper in a reply to just a simple joke about a job which they don’t even do! Humans are just so strange sometimes.
Analog and Gravis just sent me some new business cards, check out my job title.


  1. Fookin love it Cotty. So agreed. Mate today I'm a toilet cleaner, bed changer or any other shitty cleaning job you can imagine. But hey it's the rewards that count to me...keep it coming.

  2. bad day? like the kind of rant i would come out with

  3. Haven't you forgot to mention 'Male Model' in the job description bit!!!!! ha ha ha