Andrew Cotton

Saturday, 2 October 2010

A left hander, Myself, Terry, Doris and a red tractor

I finally know what I want to do when I’m older, not that I’m young but I’m talking maybe in a couple of years when everything’s become too much and I feel the need to eject myself from normal society and day to day life. I’m gunna sell all my worldly possessions, which to be fair only really consists of my van and, um, my van. Yeah that’s about it; well my van and 23 surfboards but I wouldn’t sell those for the life of me. So I’m going to sell my van and buy a old red tractor, get myself a dog and call it Terry and also a goat which I’m going to call Doris.
So Myself, Terry and Doris are going to live in front of this insane left which I surfed today and when not surfing were all gunna cruse round in my old red tractor, maybe to the local pub or just through town, Terry by my left shoulder and Doris by my right and I’ll talk to them, but not in English just in dog and goat noises like ‘woof’ and ‘bleat’ or whatever noises goats make. I’d be known as ‘That weird English bloke that drives that fucked old red tractor and talks in dog and goat noises.’ But I’d be happy, who wouldn’t with an empty sick left hander to surf, red tractor, a dog called Terry and a goat called Doris in your life.
Job done and my future sorted, might call the folks and let them know; hope this left pumps again tomorrow. If not I might get started on this life plan of mine and buy myself a goat.

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