Andrew Cotton

Monday, 12 April 2010

Hospital in Hot London

I came too in a blurry haze my body felt numb and was pulsating into the bed from the cocktail of drugs I was on, I felt great almost like I’d just come home from a night out but without the fuzz and unsteadiness you get from boozen. The fact I couldn’t move my left leg hadn’t even crossed my mind I was having fun and the night had just begun or morning as I wasn’t 100% on what time it was, the room I was in was busy with a lot going on as I lay there in space cadet mode quite content people watching and jabbering away to the nurse who was now holding a cup of water for me as I sipped at it through a straw, things where actually looking good I thought to myself. As like all good nights it came to an end with the drugs wearing off and reality setting in I had to get my head around a few things, unable to come to terms with the crazy dreams I must have had whilst being under anaesthetic, that mixed with intense pain and the fact I was busting for a piss but couldn’t actually go, I was having a shocker of a come down. I franticly hit the buzzer, I needed more pain relief and a piss ASAP, the nurse bought me 2 little blue pills which seemed to do the job nicely but the fact that as soon as I mentioned trouble and pissing she couldn’t wait to get a catheter into action I was instantly put off her, ‘can’t we just talk about this first’ ‘no no, I’ll go and get one now’ hells bells there’s no way she’s going near me with that thing, I battled through the pain and managed to stand on one leg leaning against the bed, bottle in hand and sweat pouring with intense concentration, I needed a piss so bad the slightest movement hurt but for the life of me just couldn’t break that seal, with what seemed like seconds to go before the return of the dreaded catheter woman a dribble came out followed by one of the best pisses of my life. She came back catheter in hand looking shocked I’d actually managed to get myself standing, I held out the urine bottle like a trophy and politely asked if she could help me back into bed.

1 comment:

  1. I'm sure those bottles are designed to pee in bed too.

    Hope you made it back at home trouble free.